Crystal Jordan's Blog

Moved to Wordpress

2007-04-28T09:57:00.000-06:00

Hey all!

Part of the new look included a move of my blog to Wordpress. Thanks to CrocoDesigns and Alan Morgan for helping with this transfer. Click on the Blog link at the top or below.

http://www.crystaljordan.com/blog

A carry over from Hump Day fun to end your week

2007-04-27T04:03:00.000-06:00

Mad Madam M: Welcome to a very special VidSpam Spectacular!™ brought to you by Crystal & Mad Madam M! Please sit back and enjoy an exciting collection of videos featuring the 'hunks' from this week's Hump Day Hotties! And so without further gilding the lily and with no more ado, I give to you...

Crystal: Beware of foul language in these videos and rude content. Very funny though!

VidSpam Spectacular!™: The Hetero-Lifemate Edition

Jay & Silent Bob (View Askewniverse)

Mad Madam M: Well, I couldn't find the video I really wanted here, the scene from Dogma when Jay utters "I'm Jay and this is my hetero-lifemate Silent Bob", but I thought this was a great scene featuring the two.

Crystal: I don't even remember that scene from Dogma, but this scene is awesome.

Ben & Matt (If you don't know these two actors, I don't know how to help you!)

Mad Madam M: I'm tearing up...I don't know how someone couldn't! (Yes, I know I cry at anything!)

Crystal: Ben Affleck can occasionally manage to act a little. Who knew?

Tom & Harry (Star Trek: Voyager)

Mad Madam M: For those of you who have never watched Voyager, Captain Proton was a holodeck program that Tom & Harry used to run. Tom was Captain Proton and Harry was his faithful sidekick, Buster Kincaid. I love this little video even if it does have a funny song...

Crystal: I saw the tailend of this episode once on Spike TV. And then I changed the channel.

O'Brien & Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)

Mad Madam M: So, this video needs a little intro...I couldn't find a really good video featuring Bashir & O'Brien just on their own. However, the first minute of this video, made to commemorate the end of DS9, is completely awesome. So feel free to not watch the entire video...

Crystal: Please...only watch the first minute. The rest is a little bit...Trekkie.

Spock & Kirk (If I need to explain this one...heaven help you!)

Mad Madam M: Another vid that needs some explaining and perhaps a warning. This is a 5 minute clip from the end of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. I chose it because ever single other Spock/Kirk video I found was slash. No one should have to watch clips of Spock and Kirk set to JT's "SexyBack". It's just weird. Anyway, if you have never seen the movie and want to remain surprised if you do...DO NOT WATCH.

Crystal: There is a lot of Star Trek on my blog.

Denny Crane & Alan Shore (Boston Legal)

Mad Madam M: I love, love, love this scene. It is so touching and so true!

Crystal: Awwww.

Mark Green & Doug Ross (ER)

Mad Madam M: I have never really watched this show, but luckily this was the first video to come up when I typed in Mark Green & Doug Ross. Have some kleenex handy, Crystal!

Crystal: This was the end of good ER. Right here. I never watched again.

Harry Potter & Ron Weasley (Also self-explanatory)

Mad Madam M: Remember my no slash rule from earlier...it applies double to underage kids. That is all I'm going to say, except there are a lot of pervy people out there.

Crystal: Ewww. There was boy on boy porn for Harry Potter? They're, like, twelve. Nooooooo!

Seth & Ryan (The O.C.)

Mad Madam M: Ryan and Seth.

Crystal: Seth and Ryan.

Shaun & Ed (Shaun of the Dead)

Mad Madam M: So, Simon Pegg (Shaun) and Nick Frost (Ed) are actually best friend in real-life and have done several other projects together. Unfortunately, I couldn't really find any videos featuring anything but Shaun of the Dead. But hey, there are worse things! (Click here if you have 26 minutes to kill and want to learn how to survive a zombie attack while laughing!)

Crystal: Oh my gosh. That's hilarious. I love those, too.

Thursday Thirteen

2007-04-26T10:18:00.000-06:00

So, last week was a bad week. This week has had highs and lows. Let me tell you about the highs!

Thirteen things that make me giddy

1. When my cousin calls and tells me she's getting married in July.

2. When my cousin changes her wedding date so that I can come (I was going to be at RWA and not be able to make the wedding. It's wonderful to be loved and wanted, isn't it?)

3. When my cousin calls back two days later to say she just got a call from her doctor...a routine physical showed she's just barely pregnant.

4. I'm going to be an auntie for a third time! (Yes, she's my cousin and not my sister, but we grew up next door to each other and her kids will call me Aunt Crystal. It's how my family works--go with it)

5. When I realize this will technically make me an auntie for the fourth time because my cousin's sister is having a baby in June.

6. When my other cousin, the sister, calls to tell me she just found out she's having a boy!

7. When my uncle calls to make sure I'm coming to his wedding in late June. ('tis the season, apparently. These are the first weddings and babies in over two years)

8. When Eden Bradley finds out I'll be in California in late June/ early July and insists I come for a BBQ on the Fourth of July and make use of her guest room. (Again, nice to be wubbed)

9. When the Mad Madam M buys a new fern and we sit around debating on what to name it (yes, yes, we both really do name our plants--they stay alive longer that way, I swear!)

10. When a very dear friend (who refuses to be named, but she knows who she is) sells to Ellora's Cave. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY *deep breath* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

11. When I finish a novel *small squee*

12. When my business cards and magnets come and they're PERFECT. (Because we've all heard horror stories about people gets screwed over by the printer on book marks and business cards)

13. When, even though there are loud ass construction workers, I still have a week off of work to write.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Hump Day Hotties

2007-04-25T10:06:00.000-06:00

So this week is about heterosexual life-partners. This is a term I believe Mad Madam M invented herself to describe couples that are in a dedicated life-long relationship without marriage or any sort of sexual relations (oh, gross!) at all. Usually it's a best friend of the same sex. And not like a "I met you five minutes ago, let's be friends" type best friend...this is the best friend you will have until you die. The end.

Mad Madam M and I have had a successful hetero life-mating for the better part of a decade now (sadly my most successful relationship, period--but moving on!).

As a demonstration, we're showcasing famous hetero life partnership found in movies and TV.

For a bonus, we'll have videos featuring these life partnerships on Friday. Stay Tuned!

Jay & Silent Bob

Mad Madam M: "Oh, I'm Jay, and this is my hetero-lifemate Silent Bob."

Crystal: And look we have matching sweater sets! (Okay, trench coats. Close enough.)

Mad Madam M: "You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and sh*t…" All I can say is thank goodness you didn't! And while I am at it...thank goodness you gave up the drugs and grew some muscles!!

Crystal: Dude, he was on drugs? I never would have guessed Jay was a tweaker. Huh.

Mad Madam M: Jay & Silent Bob…or Kevin Smith & Jason Mewes? Who am I kidding? It doesn't really matter…

Crystal: *whispers* Matching sweater sets.

Matt Damon & Ben Affleck

Mad Madam M: Pretty *pets screen* and one of them can even act!

Crystal: Huh? Sorry, what did you say? I was distracted by the pretty.

Mad Madam M: I hate to admit it, but I tear up everytime Ben (or whatever his name is in the film) explains the best part of his day *wipes away tear* Damn it! I'm tearing up now…

Crystal: Oh, please. Only one of them can act, remember? Did you forget which one that was?

Mad Madam M: Getting the bird has never looked this appealing!

Crystal: I could make a foul comment about getting fingered, but this is a public blog, so I won't.

Mad Madam M: Disturbing I know. Quite pretty, but disturbing none the less...

Crystal: There are some similiarities here that scare me. However, Star Trek does specialize in hetero life-matings. We shouldn't be suprized others have noticed too.

Tom & Harry

Mad Madam M: Double your pleasure…double your fun!

Crystal: Matching sweater sets!

O'Brien & Bashir

Mad Madam M: Ok…so maybe O'Brien isn't the greatest looking guy, but these two made DS9 for me. Sure O'Brien loves his wife…he just likes Bashir better!

Crystal: I'm disturbed by how much Star Trek you watch. I think we may need to revoke your remote control priviledges.

Kirk & Spock

Mad Madam M: All hail the original Trek hetero-lifemates. And take a good look at the less-puffy Shatner…

Crystal: They are good looking guys. Or, they were back in the day anyway.

Boston Legal

Mad Madam M: Speaking of Shatner...the more I watch this show the more I fall in love with these two! Long live Denny Crane and Alan Shore!!

Crystal: Wow, Shatner is either really good at balancing his lifemates and his wife (he is married right?), or no one knows he's cheating.

Mad Madam M: Suits and cigars…what girl could ask for anymore!

Crystal: Sex, drugs, and Bono? (I know how much you like Bono)

ER

Mad Madam M: I've never really watched thishow religiously, but I do agree Clooney is damn fine and I sobbed like a baby when I watched the ep about Dr. Green in a rerun a couple of years back!

Crystal: I stopped watching after Clooney left. They broke up the hetero lifemates. It was just wrong, I tell you! However, this is a nice shot of the original hotties of ER.

Mad Madam M: If only I was on that gurney! We could play 'Doctor' all the time!!

Crystal: Niiiice.

Harry Potter (This section is dedicated to Crys's cousin...otherwise I would feel really old and kind of pervy!)

Mad Madam M: I love is pic...I mean this is a true image of friendship...

Crystal: All hail the underage hetero lifemates!

Mad Madam M: Man I feel old! *starts humming "Sunrise, Sunset" to myself*

Crystal: See? When they get older, they'll learn to never let a chick come between their lifemating. Bros' before ho's!

OC

Mad Madam M: Now there is a look that melts the heart...

Crystal: Awwww. Cute.

Mad Madam M: No one accesorizes with a white wife-beater undershirt like Ryan! Although I wouldn't be heartbroken if he lost it completely...(And doesn't he have the cutest look on his face. Too bad Seth is missing it by wearing those huge sunglasses!!)

Crystal: As long as I don't miss it, I'm cool with Seth missing it.

Mad Madam M: I know I have used this pic before, but I can't stop staring...

Crystal: *sigh*

Simon Pegg/Nick Frost

Mad Madam M:
Shaun: [about Ed] He's not my boyfriend!
Ed: [handing a pint to Shaun] It might be a bit warm, the cooler was off.
Shaun: Thanks, babe. [winks]

Crystal: I love Shaun of the Dead. It was an awesome flick (which M made me watch--twice)

Mad Madam M: Police Glasses...scientifically proven to make any guy hot. Kinda like kilts...

Crystal: I was with you until kilts. Men in short skirts are only sexy in bad romance novels. Forgive her, everyone. She reads Greek/Sheik Baby Daddy books. And likes them.

Mad Madam M: Real men can hold hands in artistically lit hallways!!! I mean they are British...they are born with a 'campy' gene!

Crystal: I agree. No American hetero lifepartnership could be this out of the closet.

A small whine

2007-04-24T10:19:00.000-06:00

I'm on vacation. My plan was to veg out at home and just write. Nice, quiet, peaceful week. Is that so much to ask? I don't think so.

Then yesterday, workmen showed up to replace the roof on my apartment building. At they set up RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOWS. In fact, there's now scaffolding outside my door so I have to duck and crawl in order to get out of my house. (Found that little gem of wisdom out when I went to fetch the mail last night)

There's been banging, crashing, cursing, and general loudness all day for the past two days. In fact they've killed my plans to sleep in because they start pounding at 7AM and I'm a pretty light sleeper.

My small rant is that DUDE, my landlady could have given me some warning, I would have scheduled my vacation for a week when there was no construction.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh!

Mother Nature has schizophrenia

2007-04-23T05:10:00.000-06:00

Blogging over at The Novelty Girls today. Come visit!

So last week it was in the 80s. The morning after that it was chilling and raining. By the afternoon it was snowing. By that evening it was sunny again. Now it's cold-yet-sunny again. And heading towards warm. Argh! Mother Nature needs to make up her mind so I know whether or not I need to take a coat with me when I step outside. I feel like I'm back in the midwest. Which is crazy because I like the western US best (sorry everyone else) and I wasn't a fan of the weather anywhere else anyway. How weird is that?

To top off my terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad week. On Saturday, I came home from shopping with Grace Tyler, to find that I had no electricity. In fact, my whole building had no electricity. Ack! I'm on deadline. I need internet and power for my laptop. Waaaaaaaaaaaah!

Enter the Persnickety Hooch, who introduced me to the Salt Lake Roasting Company, a lovely little coffee shop with power, free internet, and excellent chai tea. I had to switch tables a few times trying to get one that had a power outlet I could plug into. I quickly found that was prime real estate and one has to be something of a vulture in order to get one of those rare gems for a table. I did manage it though. Persnickety Hooch and her hubby Electroshock also brought me a very cute thank you card for driving her to and from work this past week (she was looped on painkillers following some fun and exciting oral surgery).

See? Here's me at the coffee shop, me with the yummy chai, and then me again with the thank you card.

Sunday Funnies

2007-04-22T11:13:00.000-06:00

This was a funky quiz I couldn't pass up. You answer a few questions about your hands and--voila!--you have a personality analysis. I'm amazed and stunned. Totally. That's all it takes to analyze me. Have fun!

What Your Hands Say About You

You are logical, analytical, and rational. You have good verbal skills.

Idealistic and dreamy, you tend toward the impractical. You have a knack for getting yourself in sticky situations.

Brainy and intelligent, you are intellectual to the point of being incomprehensible.

Your emotions tend to be well though out. You're willing to wait out a bad situation, and you're never too quick to act.

What Do Your Hands Say About You?

A public thanks!

2007-04-20T07:48:00.000-06:00

Okay, so this might be a convoluted story, but bear with because it has a happy ending. I think.

The Mad Madam M is a bit of a sci-fi junkie. She likes Star Trek and Battlestar Gallactica. (Don't ask me to spell that correctly because I just can't) And before you call her a dork (that's my job) check out the eye candy you get for being a sci-fi junkie.

In any case, last weekend M went off to a sci-fi convention in southern California (I'm thinking it was Burbank, but I could be wrong) and amid her spaced out hottie sightings she managed to get into a discussion about erotic romance e-publishing with some other sci-fi junkies. (How or why this happened was not something I want to know because I can only imagine the people around them were thinking internet porn involving Mr. Spock and Scotty)

M said she overheard the conversation of two other women, and one was explaining that there was such a thing as romance novels online while the other didn't believe her. M interjected and said there was not only e-publishers that put out romance novels, but she even knew a writer who was published that way (that'd be me in case you were wondering)

The woman asked which publisher, and by freak accident M remembered the word Cobblestone. Then the woman asked what the writer-friend's name was and M simply replied "Crystal."

At this point the woman says "Jordan? You KNOW Crystal Jordan?" And then said she liked my books and wanted to read the next Wereplanets story.

M said it was the most surreal moment ever to be at a sci-fi convention and find a fan of mine, but I have to say this made my year. How cool is that? People outside my friends and family have heard of me and even like my books enough to say so to complete strangers.

So, this is my public thanks to that sci-fi convention going lady. You really did make my decade. If you're out there and you were at a convention last weekend and saw either of these two women (and talked about me to the younger one--that's M) then this is a big THANK YOU. You rock.

Thursday Thirteen

2007-04-19T07:27:00.000-06:00

So, it's been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. And I still have today and tomorrow to get through. According to the news and chat with R.G. Alexander yesterday, it appears the crap week is a global phenomenon. So, I've decided to come up with a list of things that make me happy. Hope you enjoy.

Thirteen Things that make me smile

1. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men.

2. Puppies.

3. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men in uniform.

4. The smell of dirt after a spring rain.

5. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men strapped to a chair so I can have my wicked way with them.

6. Long walks on the beach.

7. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men on motorcycles.

8. Clean sheets.

9. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men with sexy tattoos.

10. Fuzzy bunnies.

11. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men in in my bed.

12. My nieces' laughter.

13. Hot, naked (or mostly naked) men in just a pair of jeans.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Hump Day Hotties

2007-04-18T08:53:00.000-06:00

It's that time of the week again, and man do I need it. Seriously. I'm happy to be sliding down the hill of this week. To celebrate the wild theme of my new blog and site, the Mad Madam M and I are doing adventurers gone wild as our theme for the week. Enjoy!

Indiana Jones ('nuf said!)

Mad Madam M: It all goes back to a young Indiana Jones my friend...my first crush with a whip! Purty, purty, purty...

Crystal: I'm not even going to comment on your whip-loving ways. It's a part of our friendship we don't need to explore further.

Mad Madam M: Jones. Indiana Jones. Ok...it doesn't have the same ring, but that doesn't stop me from staring!

Crystal: Shaken, not stirred.

Sully (Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman)

Mad Madam M: For the life of me, I have no idea how Dr. Mike stopped herself from jumping that man for two years. TWO YEARS. I guess some things we aren't supposed to understand!

Crystal: I'm sorry, but as much as I like Sully, he looks like Fabio in this picture and it's kind of freaking me out.

Mad Madam M: See, this is another one of those pics that I imagine my head on another body. Oh to have Jane Seymour's body and lay in Sully's arms.

Crystal: I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Mad Madam M: I had to sneak one more in...even if it is early 90s cheesy. Well, especially because it is 90s cheesy!!

Crystal: He's hawt in this photo, he really is. Who cares if it's cheesy? Take your shirt off, Sully!

Dirk Pitt (Sahara)

Mad Madam M: ah...Dirk in an archive. My little heart goes pitter patter. It has to be one of the sexiest things I have ever seen...and I don't even like Matthew McConaughey!

Crystal: It would only be better if he was naked, or mostly so.

Mad Madam M: Not sure what he is doing with his hands, but it really doesn't matter. I'm caught up staring at his baby oiled skin and sexy swin trunks! If only the swim trunks could disappear...apparently the tinkerbell cure doesn't work for naughty daydreams!

Crystal: Wow, that's a lot of baby oil. And I don't care. I'd use his body as a Slip 'n Slide any day.

Mad Madam M: With tank-top wearing skills like that, Matt should really look into joining the cast of Battlestar Galactica!

Crystal: Oh God, she went there. I just lost my hard on.

Rick O'Connell (Mummy movies)

Mad Madam M: Absolutely love the goofy look in this pic. Well, I love the movie. Frak! I just love Brendan Fraser!!

Crystal: She said Frak. Dude, not everything is a Battlestar Gallactica reference. I swear, send a girl to ONE sci-fi convention... And all I have to say about the pic is: tee-hee, he has a BROADsword.

Mad Madam M: It looks like O'Connell muscled up between films...however I will need to conduct further research...perhaps requiring a strip search. All I know is it will be intense!

Crystal: He deserves it. Get all up on him. Tell him who's boss. Use Indy's whip if you must.

Aragorn (LOTR)

Mad Madam M: I know, I know...Aragorn doesn't really fit in the list as easily, but can you blame me? In this pic, he seems to be staring right at me...

Crystal: He is staring right at you. He's lovely. I just want to sigh and keep looking. Then use his body as a jungle gym.

Mad Madam M: I love a man in armor. It may not look sexy, but trust me it is...especially on Aragorn! Just think of what's underneath!!

Crystal: Armor is sexy if it can be removed quickly. That's no the kind of weight you want pressing down on you when...um...nevermind.

Allan Quatermain (Richard Chamberlain)

Mad Madam M: *chuckle* Crystal, this one is all you... *takes a moment to chuckle again*

Crystal: Oh, please. At least mine fits the theme. And campy cute is still cute. And scroll down, ladies and gents, to see her Goonies addition to Hump Day Hotties. And I'm the crazy one. Yeeeah.

Jack T. Colton (Romancing the Stone)

Mad Madam M: It must be the adventurer hat...that is the only think hat can explain how the hotness level of Michael Douglas could go up that high. I'm not sure what's under the car, but I am willing to help look...

Crystal: I'm hoping it's ME under the car. And he wants to check my brakes and rotate my tires. As such.

Mad Madam M: Who doesn't love Jack? I mean he's a romance writer's dream...

Crystal: I'm shocked you still think he's hot after what he did to her shoes in the movie. I know how you feel about shoes.

Brand Walsh (Goonies)

Mad Madam M: Goonies never say DIE!! Not sure how that fits in, but hey, it fits. Besides, I had a major crush on Josh Brolin after this movie. Who am I kidding? I still love Brand Walsh!

Crystal: Okay, so Goonies? I love the movie, but...dude. Don't make fun of my 80's camp unless you want me to make fun of yours.

Captain Virgil Hilts (The Great Escape)

Mad Madam M: Of course Hilts made the list. Come on...it's Steve McQueen. Steve Frakkin' McQueen. Nobody does tough guy better...nobody!

Crystal: Steven McQueen. Yum. I wanna ride his motorcycle with him.

Auditions

2007-04-17T07:52:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I went with the Persnickety Hooch to her hair stylist. I have an awesome stylist in California (the home state--woot woot) who has made me pretty for twelve years. And this is really important for a fat chick. I mean, my hair is the one thing about my that I KNOW looks good and not just from a certain angle. It just looks good.

Persnickety Hooch proclaimed her hairdresser the most offensive person ever born, and I have to agree. He was freaking hilarious. I can see why she warns people before meeting him because he doesn't even try to be PC about anything. And he knows he's full of crap too. My kinda guy.

He says he's going to turn my hair a coppery red because it will look good with my freckles. I'm okay with anything as long as I walk out of there with cute hair. I've done Reba McIntyre red, dark burgundy, and light auburn with blonde streaks, but never copper. I have an appointment in three weeks, so we'll see how it goes. Cross your fingers, toes, eyes, and ovaries for me.

Also, we're talking (arguing, claws bared a li'l bit) about definition of a romance novel. Check out our two cents here.

Novelty Girls Day.

2007-04-16T09:47:00.000-06:00

I'm blogging over at The Novelty Girls today, and showing off my new business cards that match my new website (click on the menu to the right to check out my new pages). The blog look is forth coming. Croco Designs did it for me. Isn't it lovely?

The colors are a bit off on this image, but there's a nekked man. See?

Sunday Funnies

2007-04-15T09:54:00.000-06:00

This week is all about travel. If I could get away to any country, where would I go? Australia for sure. However, the quiz today is about which Asian country I should visit. Apparently, I'm meant for curries and the Taj Mahal. Rock on. I'm so there. Any day now.

You Should Travel to India

You're a passionate, gusty traveler - and India's gritty urban centers won't scare you away.
Maybe you'll take in the Taj Mahal, eat the best curry of your life, or attend a huge street festival.

What Asian Country Should You Visit?

Big Pimpin'

2007-04-13T07:30:00.000-06:00

Jennifer McKenzie's new book in her Divine Intervention series comes out. Singled Out was the first one, and the newest one is Double Trouble (sense a theme here?). This book is awesome, I critiqued it for her before she sold it. Loved it. I mean, who doesn't love a guardian angel fresh out of AA? Yep, he's got a lot of making up for in his charge's lives.

Depressed and devastated after her husband's death, Elizabeth Muldoon is hiding from life. When Jerod Anderson is brutally honest with her, she kicks him out of her life. Until he comes back, she doesn't realize that her true soul mate was in front of her all along. Can her guardian angel help her see the love she'd missed?

It goes on sale here later today. Go buy it!

Thursday Thirteen

2007-04-12T07:03:00.000-06:00

Thirteen Foods I Hate

1. I'm a picky eater, so yes, there are thirteen foods. And some of them I'll admit are weird. Like COFFEE. I hate coffee. I really want to like it--it SMELLS so good, but it tastes like tar mixed with eau de roadkill. And what adult in America doesn't like coffee? Me. That's it. Just me.

2. Eggs. I used to eat them all the time when I was little, and now I can't stand the taste unless they're scrambled and buried under a mountain of ketchup and hash browns.

3. Egg salad. I see it, especially SMELL it, and I will lose whatever happens to be in my tummy at the time. I kid you not.

4. Brussel sprouts. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this. They look like little shrunken heads and they taste like farts. Gross, but true.

5. Peas. I'll gonna ick you out a bit and admit I can't stand these because it feels like little zits are popping in my mouth when I eat them.

6. Onions. I like them cooked because they take on the flavor of whatever you cooked them with, but raw? Ewwwwww. And they leave their pungent flavor behind. When they come on a salad I have to pick them off AND anything that's touched them. Contamination, I tell you. All that lettuce was fraternizing with the enemy.

7. Fish. I looks good, it even smells good. And all those cooking shows that say almost crusted salmon in a raspberry glaze make my tongue long to try it. Alas and alack, I have yet to experience fish that didn't taste like...well, fish.

8. Lamb. Let me qualify this. I LOVE lamb when it's prepared in the Greek style with all those yummy spices. Any other way is just foul (and I don't mean the bird kind here, either).

9. Sweet pickles. Give me crunchy, spicy, kosher dills. That other stuff need not apply.

10. Sweet potatoes. My grams just loves these any which way they come. Me? Not so much. They taste like potatoes that are trying too hard to be dessert. And that's just not right.

11. Tiramisu. I'm willing to admit that perhaps I've never had this prepared well, but every time I've had it the texture...or something...has just been a bit off. I can't put my finger on it.

12. Brown rice. It tastes like dirt.

13. Raisins. But only sometimes. I have an on-again/off-again relationship with the shriveled grape. Y'all are never inviting me over to your house for dinner, are you? I'm a very good guest, really! I'll eat whatever's put in front of me. The only tell I have is that if I hate it, I drink a lot of water with every bite. And then I'll need to use your bathroom.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Hump Day Hotties

2007-04-11T08:28:00.000-06:00

This week's Hump Day Hotties is a dedication to the Mad Madam M's recent excursion to the great snowy north and the pretty men who come to us from fair Canada.

Mad Madam M: Thought I would start things off with some gorgeous abs...some mouthwatering, awe inspiring Canadian abs...if only I had baby oil...

Crystal: his shorts just need to slide down a little bit more. Just a little.

Mad Madam M: And then there was a closer look. *fans face with hand* I don't think I have blinked in at least 6 minutes...

Crystal: There's just something...I don't know...really special about this moment I'm having right now.

Mad Madam M: Oh, does Ryan have a boo boo? Come here...I can kiss it and make it all better!! Nevermind that you are chained to the floor...

Crystal: He can stay chained to the floor. I can have my wicked way with him and he cannot escape my grasp.

Mad Madam M: He's George, George, George of the Jungle...I wouldn't mind exploring his jungle *wink* if you know what I mean. *wink, wink*

Crystal: Watch out for that tree! Do you think he really has a tree he calls his own? *wink*

Mad Madam M: Mounties: one of the hottest exports Canada has to offer and just think...mount is right there in the...

Crystal: Title? Yes. Yes it is. I'm not sure what it says that he's unable to properly mount.

Mad Madam M: I'm not ashamed to say it...I had a huge crush on Captain Von Trapp all through my childhood. I mean, be honest...he did look pretty dreamy in the suit at the dinner party when he breaks up with the baroness...you know the one I'm thinking of!!! (Click here)

Crystal: The Captain and Maria! He was so a girlhood crush. An asshole brought to his knees. If only he were chained to the floor in that movie.

Mad Madam M: Sutherland...Kiefer Sutherland!

Crystal: A really gay rendition of james Bond! And I even like Kiefer, but he holds his gun like a girl.

Mad Madam M: There is just something about him...so talented...so courageous...and just so handsome!

Crystal: And so serious and thoughtful in this pic.

Mad Madam M: Who didn't have a crush on Marty McFly?!?!? Or Alex P. Keaton?!?! Or Mike Flaherty?!?! I rest my case!

Crystal: I was with you until Mike Flaherty and then went...who?? What obscure reference is this?

Mad Madam M: Oh Pacey...you made me love you with your glib one-liners! (Shut up! I loved Dawson Creek at times...well not Dawson or the creek...or Joey...or the theme song. Wait a sec, does that mean in addition to Pacey, I only really liked the mother of Heath Ledger's kid, and Pacey's gay brother who went on to become Sabrina's left-at-the-alter fiance over on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, who had the Doctor from Star Trek Voyager playing his dad? Wait...scratch that. I think I have said too much...)

Crystal: Wow. That's special. I love Pacey too, but...um...you watch a lot of teeny bopper shows, M. I just want to throw that out there.

Mad Madam M: So poor Josh can't quite pull this one off, but I still like the pic. Sure the leather pants with white t-shirt resemble one of evil Angel's favorite ensembles, but that doesn't mean I can't like it...(click here)

Crystal: He looks a little, fem-trying-too-hard-to-be-badass. And, again, I like Joshua Jackson. He's hot. But...just...not in this picture.

Mad Madam M: Sure everyone fell in love with him in the Notebook...But I fell in love back in the 90s with a little show called Young Hercules. Wait did I just type that?!?!? Well, at least I didn't confess to watching Roar...

Crystal: What is he doing to that dog?

Mad Madam M: If eating the fabric is the only way to get the shirt off...I'm game!

Crystal: You want to chew his shirt off? I mean, he's cute and I'm sure it's high fiber, but that might be a fetish I can't get on board with.

Mad Madam M: Back off people! Crystal gets first dibs...

Crystal: YEAH. He's mine, I tell you. MINE. I may not have seen him first, last, or whatever, but he's still MY pretty Canadian.

Mad Madam M: Is it just me or does he look a whole lot like Mark Blucas in this pic...not that I am complaining one bit. He can lean and stare as long as he wants...

Crystal: Mark who? Dude, you're thinking too much. Just enjoy the pretty.

Mad Madam M: Any Due South fans out there in cyberspace? It's ok...we are all friends here...well at least I am a friend. Besides who couldn't love a man that has a deaf dog named Diefenbaker?!?! Not that I am I am saying I watched the show...not at all.

Crystal: Ah..a Mountie and his dog. Is there anything cuter than that?

Mad Madam M: I don't know which is prettier: Paul Gross or the Astin Martin he is sitting in...not that it really matter. I can happily stare at both!

Crystal: The car for sure, but if he's an accessory I can't complain. He matches the interior or something.

Wereplanets: In Smoke--SOLD!

2007-04-10T07:58:00.000-06:00

I sold the third book in the Wereplanets series to Cobblestone Press for release in early June! Yay! Here's a blurb to tell you what it's about.

When Lady Katryn's ambassador father dies, she's called back to her home world of Harena to join Lord Nadir's harim. She despairs that she will never find love when she is only one of many wives. Having been raised among weretigers, she knows little about her own weredragon nature. Lord Tarkesh, the man tasked with escorting her to the weredragon capital city, awakens in her heart a fiery passion that leaves them both forever changed from the encounter.

She's not certain she can ever call this foreign world her home, nothing feels right among her own kind. Every new revelation about the weredragon culture is an unpleasant shock. When she finds that a harim on Harena is not one man with many mates, but a three-way mating, and that Tarkesh is the other man in Nadir's harim, she feels betrayed by a man she has come to love so quickly. More surprising is the intensity of her reaction to the commanding Nadir. He is a man who demands her heart, and she's not sure how long she can deny either of them, no matter how she might want to. Will she find a place to belong with her two mates?

Down wind of pretty people

2007-04-09T08:06:00.000-06:00

I'm blogging over at The Novelty Girls today, but I have a funny story I have to share with you.

So, I was walking into work this morning and one of those pretty, super perky looking chicks was walking in front of me. We both stopped for a moment to sigh and admire the luscious view provided by the Army ROTC boys jogging passed. (Tell me you wouldn't look. I'm not too old to look at them--just because I might be their instructor an hour later doesn't mean a thing, right?)

Anyway, pretty chick starts walking, and I'm moseying along behind sipping my chai latte and enjoying my last few moments of freedom before my Monday kicks off. That's when it hits me, the overwhelming stench of some no doubt very expensive perfume. I'm thinking what the hell?? this chick is about twenty feet ahead of me and I can smell her from here. I mean, jeez. She has the bow-chica-bow-bow body and then if it's not enough for her to have the backlit, soft focused entrance, you smell her coming a mile off.

My only consolation? She would so never survive in a horror movie. The evil beastie hunting mankind would get her stinky butt first.

Sunday Funnies

2007-04-08T00:15:00.000-06:00

This week's fun and excitement is about what your drag queen name is. I have to say, mine is pretty awesome. I mean Connie Lingus? Sweet. I'm not only an ugly man, I have a name so sexual you throw up in your mouth a little just thinking about it. Does it get any better than that? I think not!

Your Drag Queen Name Is:

Connie Lingus

Drag Queen Name Generator

FAR day with Ravyn Wilde, Lisa MacDonald, and Kyann Waters

2007-04-06T08:51:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone!

Today I'll be hanging out over at Fallen Angel Review Yahoo Loop with Ravyn Wilde and Kyann Waters/Lisa Dawn MacDonald.

We'll be giving away books and other goodies, enticing you with excerpts, and being our usual naughty selves. Come on over, chat with us for a bit (or the whole day if you have time), and win some free stuff.

Happy Friday!

Thursday Thirteen

2007-04-05T02:54:00.000-06:00

My first historical erotic romance releases today! Yay. Here's the cover and blurb. It's also Thursday Thirteen, so to commemorate losing my historical virginity, I'm coming up with very sound reasons why people should buy me--uh, buy my BOOK, that is. Here's a link.

From the moment their king called her husband to the Crusades, Lady Eleanor prayed for his safe return. While in the Holy Lands, Sir Gavin sent home extraordinary riches: tapestries, spices, oils. Tucked between the lush fabrics was a wicked book depicting lovers entwined—exotic ecstasies a lady could never even imagine.

Eleanor has spent many a lonely night dreaming of Gavin pleasuring her in such ways, but when Gavin returns, he seems cold and distant, and Eleanor fears she's lost the only man she's ever loved. Using the book as her guide, can she teach her lord a lesson in pleasure and regain his love?

Thirteen Reasons Why People Should Buy My Book

1. Because your husband/boy toy/significant play thing will thank you when you're done. I guarantee it. *used car salesman smile*

2. Two words: Backdoor luvin'.

3. Because I'm cheaper than a grande latte with no whip. And how many women can say that about themselves?

4. Because he has a big sword. A very big sword.

5. It's like Robin Hood Men in Tights, without the tights. Without that many clothes at all towards the end.

6. Because it's deep, emotional, and people get naked.

7. Because this is how babies are made when people really, really love each other.

8. Because I actually had to use my degree in history to write this. Check it out, ma! All that money you put into my education? Payin' off right here!

9. Because I'm cute. See the picture over on the left? That's cute. And cute people should have their books bought (with some make up, a professional photographer, and some Photoshop touch-ups, you, too, could be this cute)

10. Because there's a mostly naked man on the cover. I guarantee this is not false advertising.

11. Because the heroine a very nice girl who reads dirty books. I know you can relate to this.

12. Because reunion stories are hot. Unlike secret babies, Greek baby-daddies, or sheik baby-daddies.

13. Because it's a damn good story. I should know. I wrote it.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Hump Day Hotties

2007-04-04T07:52:00.000-06:00

Without the Mad Madam M at my side (she's away camping in the wilderness, getting in touch with her inner redneck or some such shit) I was at a loss for a theme for Hump Day Hotties this week. I happened to mention this to the Persnickety Hooch (okay, so maybe I hadn't had any caffeine yet and she had to remind me it was, indeed, hump day...whatever)

Her perky ass, already-had-three-gallons-of-coffee suggestion was to do heart throbs from the 1980s. This, of course, was her less than subtle way of bringing her man-obsession with James Spader back to my blog. Whatever. I had no better ideas, so I bring you: Hump Day Flashdance Edition.

Adriana "Persnickety Hooch" Librarian: My devotion to James Spader is limitless. And I guess it all began with “Pretty in Pink.” Maybe it was the way he looked in that white suit, maybe it was his feathered hair, or maybe it was the just way he said, “nada” (as in “That girl was, is, and always will be nada.”) I’ll never know for sure. But I’ll follow him anywhere . . . yes, even through “Two Days in the Valley” and “The Pentagon Papers.” I want to be his secretary.

Crystal: She only wants to be his secretary so she can wet her chair like Maggie Gyllenhaal did in the movie. You can't see her right now, but she quivering in her chair like an eager little puppy. Bladder release is eminent. Ewwwwwwww. I'm so not into that. I think she's turned me off James Spader forever,

Adriana "Persnickety Hooch" Librarian: It seems our secondary theme here is assholes in 1980s movies. Hot assholes, but assholes nonetheless. I'm pretty sure it's the combination of greasy hair and fingerless gloves that does it for me. I love a man who challenges authority, Breakfast Club-style.

Crystal: It's amazing that besides the slightly greasier 'do, the sweet guys and that bad guys in the 1980s look exactly alike. Shocking.

Crystal: Let's begin with the strange string of 1980s boys that all seem to be posing in the same position withe same greasy hair and fucked-up clothes. They have the dewy fresh skin and the skanked out clothing of crack addicts fresh from a dumpster dive.

Adriana "Persnickety Hooch" Librarian: I don't even know where to begin. Except that homeless never looked so good. He's like the 1980s boyfriend everyone wants. Serenading you with Peter Gabriel in your driveway. I'd practice polyandry for that man. No, I wouldn't, only for James Spader...but ElectroShock wouldn't go for it.

Crystal: The king of dork that I'd still shag, except he has a bomb ass wife who could out-spend me and then kick my ass with her Manolos. And never mess with a chick in heels that could safely pierce your skull. Rule to Life #376.

Adriana "Persnickety Hooch" Librarian: I just want to hold his hand, nothing seedy. Make out in the backseat of the car, maybe, but nothing truly seedy. He's the cuddly teddy bear you cut class with--that's it. He's like bubblegum.

Crystal: I think he went crazy mid-1990s...he may have started a trend. Crazy looks good on him, though. And wasn't he in jail? Prisoners are hawt, just look at the lovely cast of Prison Break. I'd even get a prison tat if I could use their bodies as jungle gyms.

Adriana "Persnickety Hooch" Librarian: I'd like to volunteer my rehabilitation services to Robert Downey, Jr. They're pretty cutting edge, though, not very traditional. But I think I could help him.

Crystal: Who knew this sweet-faced boy would one day grow to be a man who liked sweet-faced girls, 400 years his junior. They have a word for that...wait, it's coming to me...I'm not sure, but it might be criminal in nature...um, oh yes...statutory rapist. That's the one. It's too damn bad that something that cute could be so rotten on the inside. And such a shame because so few of the Brat Pack could actually act, and he was one of them. RIP: Rob Lowe.

Adriana "Persnickety Hooch" Librarian: Considering that by the end of the 1980s I was only 10, I think that really increased my chances with Rob Lowe. In retrospect, it's a shame that I didn't meet him before I turned 15. I don't know--call it a crime, but I call it a crime that I missed out.

Crystal: Is he dead? What happened to him? He's either starting to sag and grow crazy extra body pieces or that's a suit that falls into the "wouldn't be caught dead in it" style of Pretty In Pink.

Adriana "Persnickety Hooch" Librarian: I think he's pretty handsome in pink. True, I don't usually go for red-headed men, but I'd make an exception for him. Plus, he was a total dirtbag in Pulp Fiction, and like I said, that's our secondary theme here. I think we need to be much more forgiving of bad fashion decisions. It was the 1980s after all. I like to imagine that he's in some lovely place, growing lovelier by the year.

Crystal: He's in a "better place" you mean. Is that like when your parents sent your dog to "The Farm"?

Adriana "Persnickety Hooch" Librarian: He was adorable in Lost Boys. I don't care if he had seriously scary, terrible hair in that movie. He was a supernatural asshole. On the upside, he's making a comeback, and time has been far kinder to him than to James Spader. Though I love James anyway. Most of all.

Crystal: She just peed. There it went. Oh, God. I will be traumatized for life now. For life.

Crystal: Hi, God? It's me, Crystal. I don't know what I've done to deserve this, but I just want to say...thanks. You really done good with this one, and I don't think you hear about it enough when you do good shit. Amen.

Adriana "Persnickety Hooch" Librarian: I am such a devotee of Johnny Depp that I rented the first season of 21 Jump Street and, in spite of my strong, strong desire for him, I couldn't even finish ALL THREE discs. He was, of course, the only talented/successful actor on that show. (Wasn't there also a Belushi or some other asshole?) I think he's the 8th Wonder of the World. Oh, and God I want to have sex with a pirate now, thanks to him. I think he's really made amends for that horrible show: Pirates, Edward Scissorhands. God, it just keeps getting better.

New tunes

2007-04-03T08:02:00.000-06:00

So, I'm so bored with my music collection that I had to get some new ones. Unlike most people, I don't own an iPod, mp3 player, or have any kind of downloading music software like Napster or Limewire. I go the old fashion way and buy the cds. However, I have a rule. I have to like three songs off the cd before I'll buy it. Every time I've purchased a cd because I LOVED one song, the rest of the album blew. This time I went pop-country. Yeah, I like it like that, so hush up, naysayers. I yanked some videos from YouTube with the three artists I bought: The Wreckers, Carrie Underwood, and Sugarland.

The Wreckers doing Leave The Pieces.

Very bad home video of a concert where Kelly Clarkson joins in a Wreckers concert to sing Cigarettes

In other American Idol news, here's Carrie Underwood beating the crap out of a truck with her baseball bat in Before He Cheats.

And here's Sugarland gyrating weirdly in Settlin', which is a song I actually quite like.

Novelty Girls

2007-04-02T07:46:00.000-06:00

I'm blogging over at The Novelty Girls today blogging about crazy ass singles ads. Check it out.

Also, I'm gonna toot my own horn because I got TWO rockin' reviews today. One for Revenant and one for Wereplanets: In Heat. I'm so stoked. Here's the highlights:

Revenant love ahead:

I enjoyed Revenant immensely. The attraction and chemistry between John and Rue was extremely tangible and I waited with baited breath throughout the entire story to find out what would happen with them. The premise of the story was quite interesting and new to me, which was a wonderful change. Crystal Jordan did a wonderful job with this one.

Tera from Joyfully Reviewed

The one for In Heat:

In Heat was out of this world hot. I love the concept of mating heat and uncontrollable desire. Varad loves his queen but in his inability to deal directly with his child’s death, he hurt her and while he realizes this almost too late, I thought him quite honorable to admithttp://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif his feelings to her and show weakness when he was supposed to always be strong. Mahlia’s character was a bit dearer to my heart because of her sadness and total devastation at the loss of her son. My heart ached for her.

In Heat is the second Wereplanets novel but completely stands alone from the first novel, In Ice. I can’t wait to read another installment of this series. Crystal Jordan has my attention and I am looking forward to reading everything she writes!

Talia Ricci from Joyfully Reviewed

Sunday Funnies

2007-04-01T09:29:00.000-06:00

So I took three years of Spanish in high school and almost minored in French in college (damn, my Achilles Heel-grammar--can bite my ass in any language), so when I ran across a quiz asking if I could pass middle school Spanish, I had to check it out. I passed! Unfortunately, I thought I got them all right, so I have no idea which one I got wrong. My mad skillz are a bit rusty.

You Passed 8th Grade Spanish

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Spanish?

Wild Roses

2007-03-31T08:38:00.000-06:00

My girl Jennifer Leeland has a new release from The Wild Rose Press in their Rose Petals Anthology with a naughty little tale called Garden of Sin. Check it out!

And my historical erotic romance, A Lesson in Pleasure, will release next Thursday from The Wild Rose Press. On Friday, I'll be giving away free copies while I chat it up with Ravyn Wilde, Kyann Waters/Lisa Dawn MacDonald over on the FAR Yahoo Loop. So come hang out with us and win free goodies!

Thursday Thirteen

2007-03-29T01:31:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm doing this officially this week. So, have fun. Enjoy. And have a loverly Thursday!

Thirteen Things I Intend to Do at RWA Nationals

1. Get a picture of Shelli Stevens' boobs. (I already have one from last year)

2. Hump Lillian Feisty's leg on the dance floor.

3. Make R.G. Alexander sing karaoke all by herself.

4. Spank Eden Bradley, but only on one cheek because she hates to be uneven. Mwah ha ha!

5. Steal Loribelle Hunt's camera and get a picture of her for once.

6. Kiss Lacy Danes on the lips because it's not fair that only Eden got to last year.

7. Not get drunk. I am limited to only one drink per night, so no one gets a picture of me singing karaoke by myself while flashing my ta-tas.

8. Kick Emma Petersen if she snores because she's my roommate and I'm a light sleeper. If that doesn't work, I will resort to more drastic measures to ensure peaceful slumber. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

9. Stuff manuscript pages under a bathroom stall at an agent or editor in an effort to sell my book. I think it's an urban legend that that ever happened, and I want it to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

10. Pitch my book to an editor or agent and be so impressive they'll offer be a million dollar contract and beg me to write a forty book series a la Wheel of Time.

11. Short sheet Cassidy Kent/Jax Crane's bed. It'll have to be very short sheeted because she's on the mini-me side of life.

12. Run like hell from Kristen Painter when she realizes I've slipped past her wicked defenses to short sheet the mini-me's bed.

13. Moon Gemma Halliday when she wins the RITA award for her novel Spying in High Heels. At first I said Eden and I would flash our ta-tas at her, but I realized it won't work with the dress I'm wearing. Thus, I will simply have to moon her.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. R.G. Alexander 2. Jennah Sharpe 3. Rhonda Stapleton 4. Gina Ardito 5. Diana Castilleja 6. Emma Wayne Porter 7. Debora Dennis-Mills 8. Jennifer McKenzie 9. Elle Fredrix 10. Samantha Lucas 11. Emma Sinclair 12. Shonna Brannon 13. Eden Bradley 14. Heather 15. Yolanda Sfetsos 16. Rene Lyons 17. Michelle Pillow 18. Bianca D'Arc 19. Kate Willoughby 20. Brenda Williamson 21.Margo Lukas 22. Eva Gale 23. Shari Straight 24. Chelle Sandell 25. Jax Crane
(leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Hump Day Hotties

2007-03-28T07:36:00.000-06:00

It's that time of the week again. The dreaded hump day. As always, the Mad Madam M and I try to lighten your load by giving you pretty things to distract you from the fact that you still have half the work week to go. In any case, this week's pretty men theme is Battlestar Gallactica, another evil, vicious, soul-and-time-sucking thing that M got me hooked on. And just in case you didn't know, Jamie Bamber is the actor who plays Apollo. Apparently, it's all the same to M. We won't talk about how in touch with reality she is, but she brings us pretties, so do we really care? I didn't think so.

Mad Madam M: Ladies and perhaps gentlemen...I give you the reason I began watching this program. Sure I was interested in the Stand and Deliver guy and the Dances with Wolves chick, but really...it was all about Jamie Bamber and his muscles.

Crystal: And his shiny, leather-ish pants. Don't forget those.

Mad Madam M: Not sure I could resist one hot guy in black, but I know I couldn't resist two. *pets computer moniter* I mean I had to physically remove my hand from petting a black clad Helo and Apollo. Frak! *resumes petting the screen*

Crystal: Dude, you know you've been drinking the Kool-Aid when you start using their fake and bake, made for tv ratings cuss words.

Mad Madam M: So I had to add a pic of Starbuck - having Apollo there doesn't hurt the eyes either - since I have a total girl-crush on Kara Thrace. I don't know how you couldn't!

Crystal: Look! more shiny, leather-like pants! And Starbuck? I'd totally do her. Rrowr.

Mad Madam M: *drool* Pretty...oh so pretty... *drool*

Crystal: He should dress like that more often in the show. Like, every episode, all the time. It's a good look for him. I think they were on to something.

Mad Madam M: I might be weird, but I quite like Felix Gaeta. Sure he seems a bit unhinged and a shifty at times, but I have to admit I am a bit enamored. Well, more than a bit...I mean the guy is smart and in this pic pulls off a sweater with a suit jacket. Got to admire the style skills...

Crystal: I'd do him, too. And Starbuck. At the same time.

Mad Madam M: Ok...so Anders isn't really that much of a character (personally I call him Blanders and Crys hasn't even met him yet), but the boy is pretty and deserves to be in this collection of BSG hotties. I mean he more than qualifies...

Crystal: I have no idea who he is because I've only made it through season 1 DVDs, but he really is quite pretty.

Mad Madam M: See...in my mind, I replace Sharon's head with mine.

Crystal: Yes, but I get to keep her mini-me body while still doing it with the man in leather-like pants.

Mad Madam M: Oh Jamie...how I love you! I even loved you when you were a skinny British naval officer prancing around in loafers with Ioan Gruffudd trying to pull off really bad hair.

Crystal: Do not mock the Horatio Hornblower. I totally love the Brit Naval drama crap. It makes me happy inside.

Mad Madam M: This one goes out to the Persnickety Hooch...I don't know what you see in Baltar, but I hope you enjoying gazing at this pic. I love James Callis in many other films, most notably Bridget Jones's Diary and Arabian Nights, but I can't seem to separate James from Baltar anymore...and I hate to admit it, I really kind of despise Baltar.

Crystal: I'm not a Gaius Baltar fan either, but I'm sure the Persnickety Hooch will drool appropriately.

Mad Madam M: I love this cast pic. I have no clue why. It could be the stylized look of the image. Or Starbuck fake speed walking while going for her gun. Or Baltar's poofy hair. Or perhaps even the president's expressionles face (she must have just got botox). Ah, who am I kidding? I love the Apollo/Adama relationship (even though I don't buy that they could ever be related in real life) and this image of Apollo protecting his father warms my heart. Yes my heart...why do you ask?

Crystal: Right. Your heart. Cuz that's what warms up when you look at Jamie Bamber. Right. And the dude in the middle looks dead, not protected. I think Jamie killed him. It's like Oedipus Rex all over! Only without the marrying the mom part. Perhaps he'll wed his brother's fiancee instead. That might kinda work in the Oedipus of it all.

Mad Madam M: Okay...I just couldn't resist. But can you blame me?!?!?! If anyone asks for me, I'll be in my bunk!

Crystal: If only his towel would shift just a leetle to the right. Or just fall off. That would work too.

And check it out. A Battlestar Gallactica comic strip! Click the pic to make it big enough to read.

My Cup Runneth Over

2007-03-27T08:53:00.000-06:00

The Persnickety Hooch sent me a picture of the back of my head on Saturday. ElectroShock took this stunning piece of photographic art. Doesn't my hair look cute?

Then, I checked the weather report and it's supposed to snow this evening, tomorrow, and the next day. Up to TEN INCHES. And possibly 50 MPH wind. What?!?!?!

This is after three weeks of nice, dry, Spring-like temperatures. Mother nature is dicking with me this week and I Am Unhappy.

See? Click here to see what the Weather Channel has to say. I have a Severe Storm Warning and a Wind Advisory. Do you see that crap? GAH! It's SPRING, dammit. SPRING.

Snow should not fall after the first day of Spring. Which, by the way, was LAST WEEK. Ugh. Mutter. Whine.

Novelty Girls Day

2007-03-26T08:08:00.000-06:00

I'm blogging later today about how to write a blurb over at The Novelty Girls. Check it out!

And I promised tawdry and titillating details of my night out dancing with the Persnickety Hooch and company. Here goes. I do want to mention that I did wicked cool things with my hair that night, and a picture of the back of it is forthcoming.

Here's the totally cute Persnickety Hooch in her goth-fairy fetish best. Happy Graduation, Persnickety Hooch!

The Persnickety Hooch on top of her mancakes, ElectroShock, who told me scary ass stories about studies with people electroshocking other people to death just because an authority figure/doctor told them it was okay and they wouldn't get in trouble. Fascinating conversations to have while drunk, no?

I seem to be doing weird stuff with my mouth in every picture, but that's me and Persnickety Hooch saying HELLO to ElectroShock.

And here is more weird mouth action where I meant to look like I was licking ElectroShock, but he gave me this weird look out of the corner of his eye and I started laughing.

Okay, before you start thinking I'm a smoker (I'm SO not)...I should tell you this was a dare (and I'd had several drinks with names I'd never heard of at Persnickety Hooch's suggestion). There was a dude at her party who collapsed twice for no apparent reason. All he'd had were one drink and a cigarette. He'd forgotten his ciggies and everyone said they were laced with something that made him faint. In order to disprove this horrific rumor I felt the drunken need to smoke one and prove they wouldn't make me pass out. ElectroShock stood ready to document the notorious affair.

Me at 2:30am at a greasy spoon restaurant getting food so I could sober up and be good to drive.

A perky ElectroShock and Persnickety Hooch waiting for their fine dining order to magically appear.

Sunday Funnies

2007-03-25T09:51:00.000-06:00

I went to a dance club last night with the Persnickety Hooch and company. More fun info on it tomorrow. Today, let's talk about how pure you are when you come out a club. Not very usually.

You Are 28% Pure

You've either done it, thought about it, or at least heard about it.
Luckily, there's a few things left for you to try!

How Pure Are You?

White and Nerdy

2007-03-24T18:18:00.000-06:00

I almost did it. I almost went to the grocery store and managed to leave without making a pit stop at the Girl Scout Cookies table outside. I needed only a few items, and basically I needed to break a $20 bill because I have to pay the door charge at the dance club I'm going to tonight. The Persnickety Hooch is graduating with her master's degree in librarianista-ness. Of course, I ended up grabbing more things than were on my list (Yeah, like you don't do that, too) so I used the ATM/Visa swipey card. On my way out of the store, I remembered (duh!) that I had had a dual mission when I went in. Not just the stuff on my list, but to break the $20. Crap. Then, there they were in their Girl Scout cheeriness. And one of the little girls smiled at me. So I gave in to the evil twists of fate and bought a box to break the bill.

They gave me a weird look when I refused the free sample. I didn't say it was because I'd end up buying my usual favorite AND whatever they were sampling me with. So, now I'm sitting here all middle class white girl and nerdy, munching on a tube of Thin Mints.

I also found some videos that amused me. It's Weird Al's usual funniess called White and Nerdy, where he had the ultimate white-boy nerd Donny Osmond guest star for his video. Here's the actual video and the green screen version where Donny and Weird Al dance around like the white and nerdy boys they are.

Still Pimpin'

2007-03-23T09:51:00.000-06:00

Because I can, I'm recommending for your reading pleasure another awesome book called Seasons of Change: Dating Season by Shelli Stevens. There are four of us writing in the Seasons of Change series--one for each season. Shelli has Spring. Loribelle Hunt has Summer with Hurricane Season. I have Fall with my book Open Season, and Sara Dennis has Winter. No idea what she's calling hers yet.

Anyway, hop on this series now! I get the uptight, workaholic brother who learns to open up when he meets his hot werelioness heroine. Yum.

Being raised with three brothers, Jada Lassiter has a habit of getting into trouble. And this time trouble shows up at the shifter resort her family owns in two forms: a sexy werejaguar who's made it clear he wants her in his bed. And an evil from her past, determined to have revenge.

Antonio Grant is a bounty hunter who came to the exclusive Still Waters resort to track down a criminal. He never expected to find his mate, or to realize her life is in jeopardy by the very man he's hunting.

Buy it here later today!

The Feistiest of them all!

2007-03-22T08:00:00.000-06:00

Lillian Feisty, trashy writer extraordinaire, released her VERY FIRST BOOK this week from Ellora's Cave. Go, Lilli, go! Plus, do you see the hunka hunka burnin' mancakes on her cover. This is probably the best Cavemen Anthology cover EVER.

Lilli wrote the short story DANCE OF THE PLAIN JANE. Here's what it's about.

Shy Jane Holliday has loved sexy Navy SEAL Michael Sky from afar for over a year. But one night the sultry beat of an exotic drum loosens her inhibitions and empowers her to seduce her dream lover.

It's the wrong time and place, but the instant Michael spots the veiled dancer weaving her sensual magic he's stopped dead in his tracks. His hands itch to touch not just the curve of her undulating hips but every spot on her enchanting body.

But having Michael run out on her after she's revealing her deepest, darkest desire reminds Jane that trust is a difficult issue.

Go here for an excerpt.

And here to buy this feisty little literary gem.

Hump Day Hotties

2007-03-21T07:38:00.000-06:00

This episode of Hump Day Hotties I'm flying solo without the Mad Madam M. This means I'm required to pick a topic that she would either A) not be interested in, or B) mock me for. I think this one encompasses C) all of the above.

I'm doing a Geek Like Me episode for the Firefly tv show/ Serenity movie cast. Why? Because the geek in me just bought the new Serenity graphic novel. See? Isn't it pretty? Can't wait to read it.

Here's Malcolm Reynolds, captain of Serenity and hotty extraordinaire. Though he kinda looks like a goofball when he smiles, so it's probably best that he doesn't smile much on the show. Bitter characters are good for his complexion.

This one is a nice segue into our next character Jayne. He's the dumb badass of the show. Basically a blunt instrument that Mal can aim where he pleases. Just don't let Jayne think too much. It's dangerous. He has a lot of guns.

Next up is Wash, the pilot of Serenity and certified comic relief of the show. He's married to a badass chick, and he play with plastic dinosaurs.

Simon is the doctor of the show, and had a major-huge stick up his bum most of the time. he has the shiny-earnest character of the show who's been screwed over by his own morals. Bend over and take it, doc.

This one is for Robin Rotham, who complains about the teeny boppers on Hump day Hotties. This is Book, he's a reverent with a dark, evil, mysterious past.

For those who like the girls, this ones for you.

And we close with a full cast shot. Love Books sneakers. Very chic and classy.

SOLD!

2007-03-20T08:02:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I haven't announced this yet, but Cobblestone Press has a magazine coming out called the Cobblestone Press Quarterly and I have a few mini Wereplanets stories planned. Verrrrry short stories.

Ever wonder about the woman who managed to bring Varad's rascal of a brother to his knees? Read Taymullah's story, Wereplanets: In the Flames, in the CPQ June issue!

Announcing the first annual Romance Divas RWA Conference Scholarship Fundraiser!

2007-03-19T09:18:00.000-06:00

I'm blogging over at The Novelty Girls today, and I want to tell you about a fundraiser going on over at Romance Divas. How to enter is in bold, but you can enter a raffle for a crapload of awesome books (including my entire backlist). Plus, the money goes to a good cause--a scholarship to send someone to RWA nationals to pitch their book to agents and editors.

**

Announcing the first annual Romance Divas RWA Conference Scholarship Fundraiser!
The board has always hoped to make enough money to fund a scholarship program for one lucky Diva-in-need to make it to the RWA conference each year. Unfortunately, we still aren't making enough to even make RD self-supporting (we're still working on that!), but we still wanted to help one of our members to reach their goal of going to conference to pitch their work to agents and editors and move forward in their career.

The recipient of this scholarship will be chosen each year based on the following criteria:
They are an active member at Romance Divas, giving as much back to this community as they take from it.
They have a quality, completed ms that's ready to pitch at conference, making going to RWA that much more crucial to where they are in their career.

They couldn't make it to conference otherwise due to financial pressures.

In order to raise money for this endeavor, a number of published authors have generously donated their books for an opportunity drawing, and a number of brand new books have been donated by various Diva members. Many of the print books are signed by the authors!

We will have two types of drawings. The first is for the Print Book Basket. Currently we have 31 print books in various genres, plus gobs of goodies, like book thongs, bookmarks, magnets and a few items especially from Romance Divas! Entries for the Print Book Basket are $5.00 US each.

**Unfortunately, due to the constraints of shipping costs, the print book basket can only be shipped within the continental U.S.

However, that's why we are also offering the E-book Basket! So far we have gathered 32 E-books in various genres, and more are coming in daily! Entries for the E-book Basket are $3.00 US each.

You may enter as many times as you like-each entry is $5.00 for the Print Book Basket, and $3.00 for the E-book Basket.

Payments can be sent to romancedivas@gmail.com by going to PayPal and clicking on the Make Payment tab.

Please type in the "Comments" portion of your payment which drawing you are participating in, who you are, and how many you are purchasing. Please add $1.00 per entry to your payment due to deductions on paypal.

Watch while the book lists grow in the coming weeks!
The drawing will be help on May 1st! at which time the name of the recipient will be revealed.

Even if every book on the list doesn't appeal to your personal tastes, these books will make wonderful gifts for friends and family! This is the prefect way to discover a new author while helping out a fellow Diva, all for as little as $3.00-$5.00!

Get ready-here's a list of the incredible books we have to offer, and remember, these lists will expand in the coming weeks!

********NEW PRIZES!!!!!!!!!
WEBSITE BASKET
The fabulous Jodie has offered to donate her web services to one lucky Diva!

Want a web site? Jodici Designs (aka) Jodie_writes_what? is offering this one time chance to get a 4 page standard web site layout (excluding blog design) to impress editors and readers alike! This can be put on a free hosting service or a host you currently have. So, this is your chance! Just put a bid in/purchase your raffle o f $10.00 with Name and email and ‘Website Basket’ in Paypal comment area or on your check. The winner will then be contacted by Jodie to discuss your new web page! The only additional thing you might need to pay for is the photo/image rights (only $10 maximum) and she'll do the rest. If you have any questions, PM or post and Jodie get back to you.

******CHOCOLATE BASKET*****
Jodie is also offering a chocolate raffle for those of you who have enough books. Never too many books? Well, chocolate is always a good thing! Here’s a description of this delicious prize!
This exclusive Ghirardelli gift tower, a consistent favorite, has a new design and now contains an even greater selection of Ghirardelli favorites. Mint chocolate, dark chocolate and milk chocolate drops and squares, a masterpiece assortment that includes pecan caramel, white chocolate truffle, caramel chew and dark chocolate orange truffle, double chocolate hot cocoa, coffee, Citrus Sunset and Twilight Delight dark chocolate are hand- packed in five elegant boxes. A great value, perfect for family and friends. Gift Size: 8" x 6" x 12"
*The bid for the Chocolate Basket is $5.00* Just note 'Chocolate Basket' in your PayPal comment area or on your check.
**NOTE: This basket can be shipped within the continental US only!
IPB Image

Jodie’s author website: http://www.jodicibelle.com/index.htm
Her alter-ego: http://www.jodiebecker.com/
Jodie’s web design site-a must-see! http://www.jodicibelle.com/web.html

BOOKS:

PRINT BOOK BASKET

*Bridget Anderson http://www.alibris.com/search/search.cfm?q...ng*cover29rcw--
Hotel Paradise (contemporary romantic suspense-Arabesque Books-signed)
Determined to uncover her family's secrets from her deceased mother's journals, Alicia McKay travels from Atlanta to Jamaica and settles into the Hotel Paradise. It's there that she provides some R&R to businessman Darius Monroe…

*Eden Bradley www.EdenBradley.com
The Dark Garden-(erotic romance/BDSM-signed)
Surrender has its own rewards…

This scintillating erotic debut tells the deliciously potent tale of one woman’s quest for self discovery-in the intriguing underground world of Los Angeles’s club scene…

Rowan Cassidy likes to be in charge—especially in her personal life. As a Mistress at Club Privé, the most exclusive bondage/S&M club on the West Coast, Rowan can live out her dominant fantasies safely, and with complete control—until Christian Thorne walks in. Self-confidant and sophisticated, he’s a natural dominant if Rowan’s ever seen one. Yet she can’t stop thinking about him and imagining his touch.

Christian has returned home from Europe, hoping to break free from his dissatisfaction and malaise—and discovers the cure in Rowan. He’s dying to get his skilled hands on her and watch her surrender, to unlock the mystery of her that captivates him. Determined to be her Master, he makes Rowan a daring proposition: give herself over to him for thirty days.

Rowan finds Christian’s offer terrifying—and impossible to resist. But abandoning herself to Christian’s power might be more than she can handle…Or it might be the realization of her true nature and the dark garden within her. There will be only one way to find out. And once the game has begun, there’s no turning back.

*Jaid Black www.jaidblack.com
The Empress’ New Clothes (erotic paranormal romance)
Book 1 in the series Trek Mi Q'an

Modern day Earth woman Kyra Summers is kidnapped and wed by a seven-foot tall, thickly muscled warrior claiming to be her Sacred Mate. Life on his home planet Tryston takes some getting used to, as the laws of the world cater to erotic hedonism and leave females at the sexual subjugation of the barbarians who claim them.

No one said love with an alien would come easily. Enjoy Kyra's spicy escapades as she adjusts to life and love in another dimension.

*Jenna Black www.jennablack.com
Watchers in the Night-(Paranormal romance) Vampires. They hunt in every major city, hidden by the crowds, shielded by disbelief. They are Killers, and their prey is human.

Not all vampires are Killers. The Guardians of the Night sacrifice the superior physical and psychic strength that comes with feeding on humans to protect them. But the Guardians walk a thin line, for even a single kill could leave them helplessly addicted to murder.

When detective-turned-P.I. Carolyn Mathers was left at the altar, she never once thought her fiancé had been turned into a vampire. Two years later, Gray reappears, bringing murder, mystery, and an unbelievable tale of Guardians, blood-thirsty Killers, and his own transformation with him.
And he's been accused of murder.

A first-rate P.I., Carolyn is determined to help. Gray won't allow what he is now to taint her--but Carolyn vows never to let him go again.

But will helping Gray mean becoming a creature of the night?

Josie Brown www.josiebrown.com
True Hollywood Lies (contemporary comedic romance)
Here are the three most common lies
women hear in Hollywood:"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
"I'd like to put you in my next movie."
"I think I'm falling in love with you."
If anyone has heard it all, it's Hannah. As the daughter of celebrated actor Leo Fairchild, she can easily recite the bald-faced lies you'll hear out of the mouth of almost any A-list leading man.
When Leo has a fatal heart attack while making love to a nineteen-year-old starlet, Hannah's world goes out of orbit. Not only has Leo's conniving fourth wife frozen her trust fund, but the grieving widow has also been having an affair with Hannah's indie producer boyfriend!
Faced with a credit card bill that rivals the national debt, Hannah is forced to put her one passion -- astronomy -- on hold while she takes the job of personal assistant to international hottie Louis Trollope.
Louis is just as egotistical -- and yes, irresistible -- as her father had been. Which is why she's determined to keep him -- and his super-model girlfriend, bad boy entourage, and over-sexed agent -- at arm's length. Besides, she's falling in love with his best friend, screenwriter Mick Bradshaw. But Louis loves a challenge. And he's decided that convincing Hannah that he loves her is the role of a lifetime.
Last Night I Dreamt of Cosmopolitans (contemporary comedic romance) All over Hollywood, men are dialing O. Her steamy naughty talk fills them with lust and longing, and helps them perform like the studs they claim to be.In truth, the industry’s favorite phone sex operator is Nina Harte, a struggling actress who has put her career on hold so that her husband, Nathan, can pursue his own dreams of stardom. When Nathan's career takes off, so does he, leaving Nina and their four-year-old son, Jake, for his diva costar, Katerina McPherson. Then "Kat 'n' Nat" are crowned the media's newest celebrity sweethearts, and Kat labels Nina an unfit mother in order to win custody of Jake, just so that she can have that highly-coveted celebrity accessory—an adorable child—sans any unsightly stretch marks.The one person who does care about Nina is Nathan’s agent, Sam Godwin. In fact, he’s in love with her. And because he has both a heart and a conscience, Sam feels guilty for having put Nat in Kat's path in the first place....
So how will he feel when he finds out that Nina and O are one and the same?

Jaci Burton www.jaciburton.com
Surviving Demon Island (paranormal romance), *plus additional goodies! What's America's top female action star doing on a tropical island shrouded in secrecy? To Gina Bliss, competing in a survival-type reality show is a nice change from fending off on-screen villains. Until she meets real-life action hero Derek Marks. A survival specialist in a tight black T and sexy stubble, he's arousing every bad-boy fantasy she's ever had...and testing her survival skills to the max.Martial arts, jungle warfare - Derek's done it all. But his latest mission is more dangerous than a stick of dynamite. Try telling that to the sexy, adrenaline-pumped actress who's got his libido racing off the charts. As the heat rises between them and real-life violence erupts, suddenly Derek and Gina are on the run...and when they uncover a secret so explosive it could blow the lid of their so-called reality show, these two unlikely heroes are about to discover what surviving's really about....

*PC Cast www.pccast.net/pages/main.html
Goddess of the Rose (fantasy romance-signed)
When modern-day Mikki ends up in the strange Realm of the Rose, Hecate has been waiting for her. So too has her gorgeous guardian beast, who soon has Mikki swooning. But to save the realm, Mikki will have to sacrifice her life-giving blood.

*Jennifer Cloud www.jennifercloud.com/
Crying Blood (romantic suspense-signed)
Amelia appears to have it all, a good paying job, and a handsome boyfriend. It's not enough. She is almost thirty and longing for a change. She wants to settle down and, most importantly, leave her well-paying job.
She is a problem solver working for the new mob based as a pharmaceutical company. After a messy hit, she finds that someone is setting her up. Her boyfriend is involved, but she doesn't know how. Worse, the man she’d fallen for years before has been hired to kill her.

*Kresley Cole www.kresleycole.com
A Hunger Like No Other (paranormal shapeshifter romance)
A mythic warrior who’ll stop at nothing to possess her...
After enduring years of torture from the vampire Horde, Lachlain MacRieve, leader of the Lykae Clan, is enraged to find the predestined mate he’s waited millennia for is a vampire. Or partly one. This Emmaline is a small, ethereal half Valkyrie/half vampire, who somehow begins to soothe the fury burning within him.
A vampire captured by her wildest fantasy...
Sheltered Emmaline Troy finally sets out to uncover the truth about her deceased parents—until a powerful Lykae claims her as his mate and forces her back to his ancestral Scottish castle. There, her fear of the Lykae—and their notorious dark desires—ebb as he begins a slow, wicked seduction to sate her own dark cravings.
An all consuming desire...
Yet when an ancient evil from her past resurfaces, will their desire deepen into a love that can bring a proud warrior to his knees and turn a gentle beauty into the fighter she was born to be...?

*Jennifer Colgan www.JenniferColgan.com
Ravenstar’s Bride & book thong (non-erotic sci-fi romance) Princess Ra’Nara Lumina, destined for the throne of Cadeia has fledged her privileged life to escape the dark destiny that awaits her. Slated to be bred with her cruel cousin Cleus Antioch, she can expect most of her children to die of a genetic illness borne in the genes of the royal family. To save her unborn heirs, she leaves the palace, but as long as she remains untouched by a man, she is still eligible to rule. Pursued by the ruthless Chancellor Kossa, who will do anything to see that succession of the throne is unbroken, Ra’Nara must find a man willing to claim her as his wife.
Istrian Merchant Captain Ravenstar Bren finds himself with a strange dilemma. To save the princess and the lives of her as-yet-unconceived offspring, he must claim her as his bride, but can he convince the proud people of his nomadic nation to accept a ‘land-born’ as the wife of their sovereign?

*Mary Janice Dividson/Susan Grant/PC Cast/Gena Showalter www.maryjanicedavidson.net/
Mysteria (paranormal romance-anthology)
Hunky werewolves, delicious demons and, drop-dead sexy witches all have the same address...
Hundreds of years ago, in the mountains of Colorado (just close enough to Denver for great shoe shopping), the small town of Mysteria was "accidentally" founded by a random act of demonic kindness. Over time, it has become a veritable magnet for the supernatural-a place where magic has quietly coexisted with the mundane world.
It's a town like any other town, where the high school's Fighting Fairies give fans something to cheer about, where everyone knows your name-if not exactly what you are-at the local bar, and where the wishing well actually lives up to its name. Strange occurrences happen every day, but now the ladies of Mysteria are about to unleash a tempest of seduction that will have tongues wagging for centuries to come...
Genie Davis/Nikki Alton: www.geniedavis.com/
The Model Man (contemporary romance) Will the real Christie Harris blow her chance at love?
So she’s taken some stuff nobody will miss. Pretended to be a producer to get into a party. And used her acting skills—currently not being used on movie screens across America—to impersonate a psychic so she and her best friend Louie can afford the occasional rosemary chicken with new potatoes. But really, who in L.A. plays it totally straight?
Except now, some gorgeous guy with well-fitting jeans, a Texas drawl, and a badge thinks she’s the real deal, and he wants her to "read" a crime scene to help with his investigation. Holy...sugar. Before you can say "serious sexual tension," Christy’s in over her head and under the covers in the wackiest, hottest, most heart-felt romance ever to take place under a Hollywood moon...

The Cowboy (erotic romance-anthology with Vonna Harper, PJ Mellor, Nelissa Donovan)
Four steamy cowboy stories from some of the freshest voices in erotic romance!

Five O’Clock Shadow (contemporary romance) Jessie Adams, indie-rock DJ, part-time musician, and full-time fool for long haired rockers makes a run for local political office to help save her best friend's music club, and finds danger in a stranger's threats and an intense affair with Chuck, a cop with his own cause. When your life depends on surviving both love and a political campaign, winning is only half the battle.

*Delilah Dawson www.delilahdawson.com
Truth or Dare (contemporary romance) Kai Armstrong has been secretly watching Sonya Drummond for weeks. Not because her sexy curves drive Kai wild. Not because her every move sets his body on fire. Kai's watching Sonya because she's in possession of a stolen butterfly necklace-and he's been hired to steal it back, even if he has to seduce it right off her beautiful neck...When Sonya meets Kai on a single's cruise, she has no idea that he's looking for the necklace. She assumes he's there for the same reason she is: to indulge in a weeklong shipboard sex romp, no strings attached. Kai is the perfect candidate for what Sonya has in mind: Tall and gorgeous with a dark, muscular body that just won't quit.With Sonya, Kai finds himself oddly off his game. Her shy blushes remind him of chocolate raspberries and her shivers drive him out of his mind! As things heat up, Kai must make a decision: Will he betray the woman who has captured his mind and body...or give in to a delicious game where everybody wins?

*Lori Foster/Janelle Denison/Shannon McKenna www.lorifoster.com
I Brake for Bad Boys (Brava-sensual romance anthology)
Drive Me Wild
Something Wilde
Touch Me
You know who they are-the ones who drive you wild with temptation. Who charm your grandmother with one hand on your…assets. Who can reveal your deepest desires and hidden fantasies with just a look. Dive into these three sensual tales and discover men who are mad, bad and dangerous to know. But who would want them any other way?

Gemma Halliday www.GemmaHalliday.com
Spying in High Heels (chick lit/mystery) L.A. shoe designer, Maddie Springer, lives her life by three rules: Fashion. Fashion. Fashion. But when she stumbles upon the work of a brutal killer, her life takes an unexpected turn from Manolos to murder. And things only get worse when her boyfriend disappears—along with $20 million in embezzled funds—and her every move is suddenly under scrutiny by LAPD's sexiest cop. With the help of her post-menopausal bridezilla of a mother, a 300-pound psychic and one seriously oversexed best friend, Maddie finds herself stepping out of her stilettos and onto the trail of a murderer. But can she catch a killer before the killer catches up to her?
Killer in High Heels(chick lit/mystery) L.A. shoe designer Maddie Springer finds herself in over her head yet again when a mysterious message on her answering machine leads her to fabulous Las Vegas. Soon she and her friends are mixed up with mobsters, drag queens, tabloids, and corpses galore. Not to mention one very sexy LAPD cop with a secret agenda of his own. Amidst the shimmering lights and hot desert nights, Maddie straps on her stilettos and tries once again to out-step a vicious killer… before her own luck runs out.

*Raven Hart www.ravenhartbooks.com
The Vampire’s Seduction (paranormal romance-signed) When it comes to a wild and seductive nightlife, Savannah has bite.
Older than the United States and wealthy beyond his years, playboy William Cuyler Thorne is a vampire with a nice long undead life—one that includes a steady stream of admirers, a consistent supply of rejuvenating blood, and, best of all, a cover as one of Savannah’s most prominent pillars of society.
But all good things must end.
Now an ancient enemy has come for William from across the seas. It is his sire, Reedrek, the vampire who created him. And Reedrek will stop at nothing until all that is precious to William—his beautiful mistress, his stable of willing female victims, his glorious estates, and his good-ol’-boy vampire sidekick, Jack—is within his voracious grasp. But William has an arsenal of his own—one that is enhanced by the power of voodoo. And when these two bloodsuckers meet, there will be hell to pay.

*Renee Luke www.reneelukenovels.com
Making Him Want It (contemporary erotic romance) Looking for temptation, for fantasy, for sensual adventures beyond your wildest dreams? You’ve come to the right place, baby. The Night Kitty -- the club for every desire. It’s always open -- and the business here is endless pleasure...

Susan Lyons www.susanlyons.ca
Champagne Rules: Contemporary Erotic Romance, Kensington Aphrodisia
Aided and abetted by her whacky girlfriends, Suzanne Brennan tracks down the stranger she had blazing sex with in a cave on Crete. Neither she nor Jaxon Navarre are looking for a ‘relationship’-just wild and crazy sex. They establish the Champagne Rules, where anything goes so long as it’s not conventional or mundane. There’s just one problem with the rules. They can be awfully hard to stick to. And sometimes, the real fun is in breaking them…
Hot in Here: Contemporary Erotic Romance, Kensington Aphrodisia
Journalist Jenny Yuen lands a very steamy assignment: cover a firefighter calendar competition. Her personal favorite? Mr. February. Mr. Scott Jackman. Also known as hot, hotter, hottest! Read all about it: the sexy rookie is Jenny’s wildest fantasies. And they’re going to play be her rules: The Fantasy Rules. No taboos, no holding back. No commitment. The question is, will Jenny be able to stick to her own rules?

*Robin T. Popp www.robintpopp.com/home
Out of the Night (contemporary vampire romance)
Lanie Weber isn't afraid of danger. As a volunteer firefighter, this seemingly mild-mannered librarian has faced life-or-death situations before--and survived. But she has no idea what's waiting for her in the dark Amazon jungles...in the staring eyes of a mysterious statue...and in the strong arms of a seductive stranger. Veteran pilot Mac Knight has vowed to help Lanie find out what has happened to her scientist father. But at Dr. Weber's secret research lab, they find only five dead bodies--and a creature believed to live solely in legends. The nightmare, however, is real. When Mac is attacked and bitten, Lanie fights to keep him alive. When he presses his lips to her throat, she yields to his touch. And when his teeth graze her flesh, she hungers for more...

*Maggie Shayne www.maggieshayne.com/
Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered (paranormal romance-sensual-signed)
For the first time in one volume, the New York Times bestselling author presents three tales of paranormal romance.
In "Everything She Does is Magick," a trio of matchmaking witches chooses unsuspecting little Nathan McBride as the perfect mate for their baby niece. The future looks rosy indeed, except for one little catch: they must keep him a virgin!...A lady private eye on the run from some dangerous gangsters invokes a spell of protection in a fit of desperation--and conjures up a dashing musketeer looking for his damsel in distress in "Musketeer By Moonlight."...And in "The Con and the Crusader," Jack McCain jumps into a well-and into the past. Mistaken for a criminal, he's headed for prison, until he's freed-with a wedding proposal!

*Linnea Sinclair www.linneasinclair.com
Accidental Goddess (sci-fi-signed)
Raheiran Special Forces Captain Gillaine Davré has just woken up in some unknown space station, wondering where the last three hundred years have gone. The last thing she remembers is her ship being attacked. Now it seems that while she was time-traveling, she was ordained a Goddess…
Gillaine’s only hope of survival rests with dangerously seductive Admiral “Mack” Makarian, who suspects her of being a smuggler—or worse. But he can’t begin to imagine the full extent of it. For Gillaine is now Lady Kiasidira, holy icon to countless believers, including Mack—a man who inspires feelings in her that are far from saintly…feelings she knows are mutual. But when their flirtation is interrupted by a treacherous enemy from the past, Gillaine’s secret—and secret desires—could destroy them both….

Nalini Singh www.nalinisingh.com
Slave to Sensation (paranormal shapeshifter/sensual romance from Berkley)
In a world that denies emotions, where the ruling Psy punish any sign of desire, Sascha Duncan must conceal the feelings that brand her as flawed. To reveal them would be to sentence herself to the horror of “rehabilitation”— the complete psychic erasure of everything she ever was….
Both human and animal, Lucas Hunter is a Changeling hungry for the very sensations the Psy disdain. After centuries of uneasy co-existence, these two races are now on the verge of war over the brutal murders of several Changeling women. Lucas is determined to find the Psy killer who butchered his packmate, and Sascha is his ticket into their closely guarded society. But he soon discovers that this ice-cold Psy is very capable of passion—and that the animal in him is fascinated by her. Caught between their conflicting worlds, Lucas and Sascha must remain bound to their identities—or sacrifice everything for a taste of darkest temptation…
Bound by Marriage (contemporary sensual romance from Silhouette Desire)
A Deal With The Devil...
How else to describe the pact Jessica Randall had made with wealthy New Zealand rancher Gabe Dumont? In exchange for marriage and an heir, he would save her family property. The agreement was calculating, completely devoid of any tenderness, just like the man himself.
Their relationship was supposed to be a simple arrangement. Instead, it was fraught with secrets and mistrust, jealousy and ultimatums - emotions that wouldn't allow her to maintain the distance she needed. Worse, the sizzling attraction between them made this marriage of convenience decidedly inconvenient.
Craving Beauty (contemporary sensual romance from Silhouette Desire)
Marc was dangerous to her in the way that only a strong, sexy male could be to a woman.
Even knowing that, she'd agreed to marry him. Hope blossomed in Hira's heart. Perhaps she'd married a man with whom it might just be worth building a life. Her mother had worried that he was scarred, but the lines on his face did nothing to lessen his raw masculine appeal. If anything, they gave him an even more dangerous male air, enticing the feminine core of her to thoughts that shocked her.What did a man's face matter anyway? She had no use for handsome men.
But for a man with a heart?
For such a man…she might risk everything.

* Sasha White, et al-Pure Sex-erotic anthology (contemporary erotic romance anthology with Lucinda Betts and Bonnie Edwards)
Three tempting tales from Kensington Aphrodisia!
********************************************************************************
*******
E-BOOK BASKET

*Laura Bacchi www.laurabacchi.com
Topping Tora (erotic romance/BDSM) Tora Wolff craves domination, and at Club Xotica, she expects to get it. When the man who tops her at work shows up to top her at play, Tora can’t believe her bad luck. And she hasn’t even found the dead body yet...
Jovan Creel wants a woman who’s willing to submit, and not just any woman. He wants Tora. But after all the fun and games are over, will she want him? When Tora decides to explore her submissive side with another man, someone more experienced—and much more dangerous—Jovan soon discovers it's not a question of Tora wanting him when she returns to Atlanta. It's a question of whether she can return at all.
Chosen (sci-fi/erotic romance) Sometimes you can’t have the man you want, even if he wants you…
Winter Anderson is about to go where no Hertford County, North Carolina, resident ahs gone before. Her ex left her in major debt, she hates her job, and a gorgeous piece of man named Brogan wants to escort her across the cosmos to be the mate of his planet’s leader.
But what should be the experience of a lifetime turns into something miserable. She’s falling hard for Brogan, and although he’s starting to have feelings for her, he’s too damn honorable to keep her for himself…

*Jodie Becker www.jodiebecker.com
The Ripple Effect: Dane (Urban Fantasy/Action Adventure)
Reality is a matter of perception…or is it? When Jamilah inherits a beautiful Egyptian artifact, she didn't expect it to propel her out of her reality and into another so displaced from her own.
The year is 2006 and Set had been awoken from his tomb over a century ago. He runs his kingdom with an iron fist and doesn't need anyone screwing with it, least of all the ‘Holyman' that has been like a thorn in his side. But when a shift in the air signals the arrival of something powerful, Set is determined to possess it.
Dane didn't know what a woman was doing in the destroyed city of New York, but he couldn't very well leave her to her own demise. But what starts as a rescue attempt, soon becomes something far more complicated. With the emergence of something deep within him that demands his attention and his budding love for a woman he knows he can't have, so begins the battle between a man willing to fight for what is right and a God who will do anything to have what he wants.

*Eden Bradley www.EdenBradley.com
Isle of Desire (contemporary erotic romance) Is it really possible to fulfill the fantasy of a promise made in the passion of youth? On a beach on the small Venezuelan island of Isla de Margarita, Isabel Asher meets once more the love of her life, Rafael Cruz, the man she left behind twelve years earlier. Desire ignites, but can the sultry tropical nights spent in his bed lead them back to love? She’s about to find out, and maybe to have her heart broken in the process.

Winter Soulstice (contemporary paranormal erotic romance) A chance storm on December 21st, the Winter Solstice, drives psychologist Destiny Walker to a spontaneous consultation with a fortune-teller. When the psychic tells her she’s about to meet her soul mate, Destiny is dubious.
But when she runs into Superman look-alike Reece Kellan—literally—her rational world is turned upside down. Reece is funny, kind, and the sexiest man she’s ever seen. And when their bodies meet, the electricity they create could rival the storm raging outside. But there’s something more there, something mysterious, alluring and a little frightening. Is it possible the psychic was right, after all?

*Sela Carsen www.SelaCarsen.com
Not Quite Dead (paranormal romantic comedy)
He’s gorgeous, he’s got great manners, he’s got a mission to accomplish. The
only drawback? He’s been dead for a hundred years.
Sabine Harper’s night started out badly—a dead man jumped out of his grave,
she was chased by a vampire and now she has an uninvited guest. The worst
part? A guy who may or may not be entirely dead is looking ten times better
than any living man she’s ever dated.
Willem Breaux has only three days to avenge his murder, but upon awakening
more than a century into the future, he discovers that he needs Sabine’s
help more than he could have imagined. And in the end, he’ll need her love
more than anything else.
Can Willem and Sabine find love—and a little laughter—in spite of time,
death and an evil that’s waited a century to make its move?

The Virgin Courtesan (light historical) Nerina Morinelo tried being a courtesan like her mother but failed at the
first hurdle. Now she's gained an implacable enemy and she has no one to
turn to except Domenico Venieri, scion of a wealthy and noble merchant
family.
Bent on a vendetta, Domenico needs a woman to lure out the enemy that he and
Nerina share, but he doesn't expect to lose his heart to a virgin courtesan.

*Diana Castilleja www.dianacastilleja.com
September Heat (romantic suspense-sensual) Rose St. Johns is getting kicked out of New York, trying to stay one step ahead of an overzealous fan that the police and her agent aren't above labeling stalker, although the last place she would expect them to send her is Las Vegas.
Furious with her situation, fear is something she is slow to admit to. But circumstances don't allow her to be ambivalent for long when she is tracked to her hideaway. Her only hope lies in a man she knew as a boy, whose secrets could be dangerous, and are his alone.

The Eternal Kiss (paranormal suspense-sensual) Diego Viteri has lived for centuries, suffering a growing loneliness that is becoming impossible to ignore. His only reason for not ending his life is to see justice served to his creator and then, Diego can rest.
Meeting Titania, his needs reshape into something he can't ignore. Before he realizes what he has done, he bonds with her and sets into motion the very thing he swore he would never do to another person. He has shared his curse. And there is only one choice to be made to try to save her.

*Jennifer Colgan www.jennifercolgan.com
The Rebound Guy-(contemporary erotic romance) Catching her boyfriend in the act with another woman should have made Lauren James angry, indignant or even depressed. Instead it made her horny. The only man in the world she trusts enough to help her through the sting of betrayal is her best friend, Eric Reynolds.
When Lauren shows up at Eric’s apartment, it doesn’t take long for her to seduce him. She finds solace for her trampled heart and bruised ego in Eric’s capable hands. After an unforgettable night of passion, Lauren awakes to the cold reality that she used Eric to get revenge on Mark. Will Eric forgive her, even if she can’t forgive herself?

Cassandra Curtis www.cassandracurtis.com
Compulsion (contemporary erotic romance) Lindsay Dannon has a dirty little secret. While she hides behind her plain and proper image at work, a wanton woman with a rich fantasy life lurks beneath the surface. The thrill of sex in public places, and the risk of exposure, is a compulsive itch she knows only one man can scratch—her boss, Jack Randolph.
The company's "no tolerance" policy on interoffice dating is the only thing stopping her. Good thing Jack created the rules, because he's determined to make all of Lindsay's sexual fantasies come true...

*Elisabeth Drake www.emdrake.com
A Passion Draconic (erotic fantasy romance-*m/f/m, bondage)
Healer-Priestess Shaiandral would rather let the Dragonlord rot than save him. But when her Healer's oath is called upon, she must rise above the contention between their two shifter tribes and travel to his realm.
When she arrives, the Dragonlord Veren is dying of a magical toxin. Shaiandral makes a sacrifice of her own blood to raise the required energy for healing, but her actions raise a demon from Veren's flesh. A demon that can become incorporeal at will and is impossible to fight.
The demon gives her two options. She can either sacrifice her Oath-bound virginity to heal Veren--or she can become his new host. At first Shaiandral refuses, but faced with a choice between losing her virginal power or losing herself, she chooses the lesser of two evils. Taking hold of the rising energies, she threads them into a complex weave. Just when she thinks she's failed, Veren takes a deep breath, returning to life. Using the power released in her orgasm, Shaiandral forces the demon into a wilting red rose, binding him forevermore.
Except Shaiandral has caused more problems than she's solved. The sacrifice has left her with a sudden, consuming lust--and an inexplicable attraction to Veren, a man she should hate. Now, a demonic infiltration threatens both their realms. Can they overcome their differences and work together to stop this threat before the demons take hold once more?

The Twilight Deception (paranormal romantic suspense)
When the FBI receives word of vampire-related murders, they order tough-as-nails resident witch Arielle Thompson to investigate. But the last thing Arielle expects is to have her butt saved by a friendly vampire who claims he's tracking the master vamp responsible for the murders.
Despite her wounded pride, Arielle can't help her inexplicable attraction to this sexy-as-sin vampire who calls himself simply "Jackson." He reluctantly informs her that their enemy is far more powerful than reports said -- and his powerbase is only increasing.
Arielle and Jackson must team up to stop him, before he grows too powerful to defeat.

*Grace Draven http://www.fictionwise.com/eBooks/eBook38129.htm?cached
Draconus (fantasy romance)
An earth dragon, long-lived and skilled in the ways of magic, Magnus Silverclaw has hunted relentlessly for his errant human lover. He is furious and bitter over what he considers Leida's betrayal and seeks retribution by having her sentenced to four years of enforced servitude to him--in a position far below the one she once occupied as his mistress. He does not anticipate her horrified reaction to the punishment or the reason for it, and her revelation leaves him reeling with shock and jealousy. After nearly four years of evading capture, Leida of the Glimmer South stands bound before a tribunal of dragon judges, accused of theft and the illicit use of dragon magic. Once the favorite of the dragon lord, Magnus Silverclaw, she faces punishment for a crime considered high treason among dragons. Leida is still deeply in love with Magnus but refuses to divulge her reasons for why she stole from him and left without warning four years earlier. Only the threat of enslavement makes her reveal a carefully guarded secret, one that can either reunite her with Magnus or tear her from him forever.

*Dayna Hart www.daynahart.com
Wings of Love (fantasy with romantic elements)
Aimée not only grew up without her father, she doesn’t even know his name. The mere mention of him is enough to send her mother into hysterics. Or at least it was, until her mother discovered pharmaceutical mood-enhancement and paralyzed her face with botulism toxins. Her mother has become the poster-woman for calm.
Until Aimée starts seeing fairies.

*Loribelle Hunt www.loribellehunt.com
Bound by Love (contemporary erotic romance/D/s)
Nikki just wants to get out unscathed. From the sex club she goes to to track down an employee, that is. Her old friend and long time admirer, Mack, on the other hand, has something else in mind entirely. Complete submission of her body and soul.

Undercover of the Moon (paranormal/shapeshifter erotic romance)
Recently banished and offered the leadership of a new pack, the last thing Darius Stewart needs is a mate. That's just fine with Meg O'Reilly because the last thing she wants is a possessive, bossy, sexy Alpha wolf ordering her around.

Invasion Earth (futuristic erotic romance)
Invaded and forced into an uneasy surrender, Earth soldier Laney Bradford is torn between loyalty to her people, distrust of her leaders, and the alien general determined to have her. Alrik Torfa came to earth to find his mate and now that he has, he has no intention of letting her go.

*Crystal Jordan www.crystaljordan.com
Full Swing: (contemporary erotic romance)The only place they still communicate is between the sheets...a professional woman golfer and an Army Ranger struggle to save their marriage after he's seriously injured in combat and has to retire. Outside the bedroom, everything is falling apart because he believes she deserves better than a broken man, but she dreams of a future when they stop fighting and start talking long enough to reclaim the happily ever after that once seemed so certain.

Wereplanets: In Ice: (paranormal/sci-fi erotic romance)Jain Roberts' spaceship was supposed to dock at the new colony on the water world of Aquitilis. Instead, she crash lands after 500 years in cryongenic freeze on an icy mountainous planet. A planet populated by monstrous predators and shape-shifting bears.
Kesuk, the Arctic Bear leader, rescues her from the snow, but the laws of his people say she is now his slave until she repays him for the favor. He intends to give her over to the first trading vessel bound for Aquitilis, if he can convince himself to keep his hands off of her.

Finding Paradise: (contemporary erotic romance)Dr. Elena Málaga is excited to be selected for a Peruvian expedition to find the rare Paradiso flower. Ian Lucas, her team leader, believes women shouldn't do field-work. She can't fall for a man who would make her chose between him and her career, so she's determined to convince him that she belongs by his side, in the jungle and in his bed.
All She Wants for Christmas: (contemporary erotic romance) The wedding is off! Emma Richards just walked away from the only man she's ever loved, her overbearing parents, and the pressures of life. Somehow her well-ordered existence has spiraled out of control to the point that she's hiding in a bathroom stall until everyone leaves the department store with the wedding planner. When she makes her escape, she finds herself trapped in the elevator with her furious fiancé, who knows just how to convince her that giving up on the wedding is one thing, but giving up on their relationship is out of the question. Eloping is all Emma really wants for Christmas, and Paul is just the man to deliver.
Wereplanets: In Heat: (paranormal/sci-fi erotic romance)Varad Mohan is the king of all weretigers, ruler of the planet Vesperi, but even kings have their share of tragedy. With the death of his infant son, his marriage with Mahlia seems to hang in the balance.
When her mating heat makes it impossible to avoid confronting their cooling relations, they have to cope with the loss of their child, and turn to each other for the solace they've denied themselves. A king and queen can never show weakness, but can they learn to depend on each other?

Twice in a Blue Moon: (paranormal/shapeshifter erotic romance) When Lena walks into the Blue Moon bar on Valentine's Day, she turns Rachel's world inside out. She's a werewolf who scents her mate, and nothing will stop her from claiming what's hers.
Rachel has always assumed that when she mated with Jerrod she'd never know another lover, despite her longing for both men and women. No werewolf would be unfaithful. Ever. She's terrified of how the man she loves will react when he finds out the instincts that drew her to him two years ago now pull her to another woman.
What's a werewolf to do when she finds her soulmate--twice in a blue moon?

In the Runes: Revenant: (paranormal erotic romance)Rue Daniels' ability to talk to ghosts--revenants--landed her in a mental institution. It has also made her a target for recruitment. Both the CIA Revenant Division and their enemies want her on their side and will stop at nothing to have her.
John Weston cannot believe he has to fetch the Agency's newest recruit. He's spent the last few hundred years as a revenant paying for a life of rakish depravity. Working for the CIA might just be his last chance at redemption.
When they're assigned as partners, they must work together to discover who's out to get Rue. Neither expects to fall for the other…a human and a revenant? Each knows that's a recipe for heartbreak.

Big Girls Don't Die: (paranormal erotic romance)
Six months ago, Andre St. James turned Cynthiana's life upside down by turning her into a vampire. He insists they're meant to be together forever--literally--but Cyn has her doubts.
His take-no-prisoners approach to life isn't what she calls a great foundation for a healthy relationship. When she ends up stranded on the side of the road on her way to Las Vegas for Valentine's Day, will Andre be able to come to the rescue--and convince her they can live happily forever and ever and ever after?

*Cassidy Kent www.cassidykent.com
Sunset Key
Raleigh In Rio
Dolce & Diana

*Ember Sinclair www.embersinclair.com
Up in Flames (contemporary erotic romance)
Detective Kat Ashbrook has two things on her mind—catching a murderer and sexy new boss, Connor Mercer. She never expected his come-hither looks, but she’s betting she can resist if she keeps her mind on the job.
Too bad her good intentions are blown to hell by a spiteful prank. With no where to hide, Kat’s assignment takes a backseat to the sizzling sparks flying between them, but will her surrender lead to their deaths?

*Rhonda Stapleton www.rhondastapleton.net
Stripped (chick lit/romantic comedy)
Amanda Thomson, a web designer dissatisfied with her dull life, finds out that Jake Waters, the talentless stripper at the consolation party her friends threw for her when she lost out on a management promotion, got the job she wanted — no, deserved.
Jake just relocated from Chicago and only stripped to his skivvies at Amanda's party as a favor for a friend. He's a workaholic single dad, trying to balance work demands while caring for his eight-year-old daughter...and chafing beneath his pushy mother's influence.
The power struggles and sexual tension increase when Amanda and Jake are forced to work together at a tech conference, and then on an important client's project. Amanda struggles to believe in her own self-worth. Jake struggles to learn how to balance work and home responsibilities.
And both struggle to get what they want and need from a relationship with each other.

*Shelli Stevens www.shellistevens.com
Love for Sale (erotic romantic comedy)
Going up for auction couldn’t be that bad, could it?
After her oversexed grandma talks her into signing up for the ‘Buy a Dame’ fundraiser, Jessica Davis gets a makeover and goes on the auction block. She never expected the roughly sexy man who’d buy her, or the plans he had in store.

*Sasha White www.sashawhite.net/
Meandros (erotic romance) A handsome and sexy man teaches Tammi - injured after an accident - to find the passion of life again, but when tragedy strikes a second time, will she give up on happiness and passion forever?

Gypsy Heart (erotic romance) Can a man bent on settling down convince a free-spirited woman that doesn’t believe in “happily ever after” to risk her GYPSY HEART?

Abduction (erotic romance) When Max Cooper, a “damaged” ex-Coast Guard officer, wakes up naked in a strange bed with no memory of how he got there, “alien abduction” is not what pops into his head…

************************
Remember to check back here as we add to the list in the coming weeks!
A huge thank you to all the authors who kindly donated their books!

Sunday Funnies

2007-03-18T09:38:00.000-06:00

So, the fun and joy of Sunday Funnies brings you...naming your penis.

I'm not sure what to take away from this unique experience, but I did laugh. In a very juvenile way, of course.

Your Penis Name Is...

Beefy McManstick

Penis Name Generator

More Pimpage...

2007-03-16T14:46:00.000-06:00

Karen Erickson, writer and sly-bitch extraordinaire, released a luscious luck-o-the-Irish book today and has a cover that is to die for. I want to lick him. He gives a whole new meaning to "Kiss me, I'm Irish."

Lucky Simon has it all. A successful career, a fantastic apartment and great friends. The only thing she's unlucky at is love. Her love life stinks big time and it's all her fault.

Finding a four leaf clover conjures up a giant leprechaun in the middle of her living room the next day. Aidan claims she wished for him and now he belongs to her. She doesn't want him, she thinks he's crazy. Despite the fact that he turns her on.

What's a girl to do?

Buy it here!

Thursday Thirteen

2007-03-15T14:17:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I'm hopping on the bandwagon with these because it seemed like fun. I think this week I'll do my Thursday Thirteen things on the Thirteen Things I will be doing this weekend.

Marathoning Battlestar Galatica because the Mad Madam M managed to get me hooked on something else by sending me the first season on DVD.
Sleeping. Yay.
Editing my historical erotic romance for The Wild Rose Press. Yes, let the whining commence.
More Sleep.
Writing the third Wereplanets book called In Smoke about weredragon Katryn (heroine's best friend in In Heat) and her two mates. Yep, you guessed it. Time for some three-way shapeshifting dragon lurve. Yum.
Figuring out how to write a three-way shapeshifting dragon lurve within there being too many hands, legs, arms, and other unmentionables.
Sleep. Sleeeeeeeeeeeep.
Praying that the publisher I submitted to recently (They Who Shall Not Be Named) gets back to me with a yes or no already. *please be yes, please be yes, please be yes*
Get over wicked-mad case of insomnia by sleeping more.
Pondering how sweet it will be to have Spring Break next week. The whole campus will be nice and quiet, I have no classes to teach, I can get caught up on about 500 projects. Woot!
Ten hours of solid--you guessed it--sleep.
Harass R.G. Alexander into getting her butt in gear and finishing ehr current WIP. Who cares that she has family over? No excuses! *cracks whip*
Did I mention I want to catch some extra z's? Maybe get some sleep? Well, if i forgot to bring it up...sleep.

Hump Day Hotties

2007-03-14T07:27:00.000-06:00

Mad Madam M went to see the movie 300 the other day. And this is the result. A full-on hotty tribute to the movie. Title for this edition: "Madness? This Is SPARTA!"

Mad Madam M: I'm pretty sure I could clean my clothes on those abs. *takes a moment to try and lick the glorious abs through screen* Really, I would gladly give up my washing machine to find out! I don't care if it is hygienic or not!!

Crystal: I'm wondering about the saying about his head (while trying to keep his abs in view, naturally). Why are they dining in Hell? Is it a new dining establishment? And they do know the whole heaven/hell thing wasn't a part of the Spartan religious beliefs, right? (I obviously took too many Ancient Civilization History classes in college)

Mad Madam M: Just when you thought nothing could beat the first pic, now we have a number of nearly nekkid Spartans and they are wet. Oh how wish the ancient world was this stylized...and time travel was possible. Damn my complete and utter failure at physics!

Crystal: Wet. Mmmmmm. And do you see his nifty shield? I know a saying about those from Spartan culture. I may have failed physics, but I passed history and bio...and I think I need a refresher in anatomy. His will do.

Mad Madam M: Pretty...oh so pretty. Well, as long as you don't focus on what the Spartans are standing in front of, which isn't that hard. I mean, I don't even see beyond the beautiful caped men...

Crystal: Why are they wearing diapers with their capes?

Mad Madam M: So this shot only features one torso, but it is good ol' Gerard Butler's torso, so I'm ok. Besides the image is so gripping I would want to stare at it even if it didn't feature Gerard's naked chest...ooooh naked chest...where was I? Oh yes, this image is quite striking...really!

Crystal: Where's the hot torso? *presses nose to screen to try and see Gerard's shiny abs better*

Mad Madam M: Who needs baby oil when you can simply use a mixture of sweat and dirt to show off your perfect muscles?!?!? And I have to say that the helmet is working for me. No one pulls off helmets/masks quite as good as Gerard Butler. I still don't know why Christine didn't jump the Phantom when he took her to his secret hidey-hole in the bottom of the opera house. I know I would have...

Crystal: It really is unfortunate that Christine felt the need to go for the same old good guy routine. I mean it was so obvious she grooved on the Phantom and that other dude was a total wuss. Plus, look at the abs she would have gotten! Look!

Mad Madam M: Perhaps I should explain... Ok, I don't think I can explain. Sure I like piercings, but it is gorgeously sculpted body that keeps me staring. Besides, in my head, I just think of him with hair...like in that Baz Luhrmann's Chanel commercial he did with Nicole Kidman ( http://youtube.com/watch?v=bU9A-kpiTfM). But with the body from 300 of course. 'cuz why wouldn't you!?!?!?!

Crystal: It's a very nice body, yes. And so spread and ready for whatever I want to do with it. Like use it as my own private jungle gym.

Mad Madam M: All I can guess is that Jared Leto was make-up guy for the day. I mean how else can you explain the amazing amount of eye-liner, but let's be honest...who is really looking at his eyes?!?!?!

Crystal: Dude, if you squee another question ?!?!?! I'm gonna have to smack you. And is that David Wenham (no idea how to spell that) from Lord of the Rings fame standing next to eye-liner boy? I think I see his nipple. Sweet!

Mad Madam M: "He'd fly through the air with the greatest of ease/That daring young man on the flying trapeze/His movements were graceful, all girls he could please/And my love he purloined away." For some reason, I just can't get that chorus out of my head. Anyhoo...This is another of those stylized images I can just stare at for hours. Sure I know that guy that is hot, but that is just a smidgeon of why I love the pic.

Crystal: That is the weirdest thing I have ever seen. Best not to think about logistics...oooh look pretty men!

Mad Madam M: "That's MISTER Trapeze man to you!" That might not be the exact quote, but I think that is what Michael Fassbender was trying to convey in the scene.

Crystal: What's with the hair? And is it me or does his arm look deformed in this shot?

Mad Madam M: I call this "Torso Illuminated by Dawn". If only the sun had shed some light on a few more...

Crystal: I wish the sun hadn't illuminated the leather diaper quite so well. I'd almost managed to forget they were wearing those. *sigh*

Mad Madam M: Since clearly this film is historically accurate, *cough* I do wonder how Spartan women ever accomplished anything. I mean, if I were surrounded by that day in and day out, I think I would go into shock due to over-stimulation! On second thought, I'm not too sure I could make it as a Spartan woman. They were pretty badass!

Crystal: I would totally fail at being a Spartan woman. I totally studied that shit in college. However, I would not be opposed to boffing the occasional Spartan man. For historical research, of course.

Mad Madam M: "Come back with your shield, or on it." I can't say it any better than that, although I wouldn't mind just going with him to make sure he came home in one piece...
(Side Note: There are moments when I am watching a film alone in which something happens and I think to myself "Man I wish so-and-so was here with me. They would have loved that!" This is one of those scenes. Sure you could just stare at Gerard again, but I included this pic is for Crys, since she will probably kill me for using one of her favorite Greek quotes and I thought I might distract her with a pretty man!)

Crystal: Yeah, like I wouldn't notice the one chance I had for my education to be worth something and you wrenched it away from me. I'm hurt. Though, on an unrelated note, that is a really pretty picture.

Pimping The Loribelle

2007-03-13T07:08:00.000-06:00

My girl Loribelle Hunt has a new one out from Samhain Publishing. It's awesome, and I loved it. Here's the details!

Can Shane convince Jessie he's the only man for her before her stalker attempts to end both their lives?

Jessalyn Banks is a respected gallery owner in a small coastal Florida town. She isn't looking to make any major changes in her life, but events collide in a way that takes that option away from her. A stalker enters her life, and she has no choice but to notify the town's police chief, Shane Moore.

Shane has been trying to maneuver his way into Jessie's life for a year. Getting added to her Fourth of July planning committee is a brilliant move. Convincing her they belong together is much harder to accomplish. When her mysterious stalker escalates his activities and another woman is badly injured, events spin out of his control. Does Shane have the time to convince Jessie he's the only man for her before the stalker makes his move?

Buy it here!

The Novelty Girls day

2007-03-12T07:40:00.000-06:00

I'm over at The Novelty Girls today, so go read my next exciting adventure.

Also, to keep you entertained, I found some funny aliens on earth in the future type pics. Enjoy!

Every geek's fantasy come true...

Is it just me or does his nose look remarkably like a deformed...uh, nevermind...

Sunday Funnies

2007-03-11T06:30:00.000-06:00

St. Patrick's Day is coming and I'm doing a luck quiz!

Kiss me, I'm Irish!

Your Luck Quotient: 68%

You have a high luck quotient.
More often than not, you've felt very lucky in your life.
You may be randomly lucky, but it's probably more than that.
Optimistic and open minded, you take advantage of all the luck that comes your way.

How Lucky Are You?

Competition

2007-03-09T08:03:00.000-07:00

The Mad Madam M is having a competition on her blog for creating funny posters. She has a link to program that will do it for you for free. Go do it. The Persnickety Hooch and I had a blast with this (while getting a lot of work done, natch).

Longest. Week. Ever.

2007-03-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

Is it Friday yet?

I've woken up every single day this week asking myself that question. And, thus far, the resounding answer has been negatory. I also haven't been sleeping well..or at all.

FYI: when I'm sleep deprived it's just a party foul to take pictures of me while I'm snarfing down Mexican food. I am now contemplating the demise of a co-worker. Codename: Persnickety Hooch.

To taunt myself, I found comics of people sleeping. Let me tell you, at this point I could sleep anywhere.

Wait...is it Friday yet?

Hump Day Hotties

2007-03-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

Blogging over at Shadows of Passion today. Check it out!

A few weeks ago I ran across and truly disturbing photo shoot for what of my favorite hot actors. His name is Jason Behr and he used to play in a television show called Roswell.

I just had to share. Sorry, all! It's kinda hot, you know?

See, now that's a man who ready, willing and waiting for me.

Oh, yeah. He wants me. Who's your mommy?

And that's the money shot right there.

It's like half BDSM and half Hamlet-with-skull photo shoot.

Yes, that's it...make love to the helmet.

Take it all off, baby. Do it. You know you want to.

Here's a sentence I never thought I'd use: I wanna be that cigarette when I grow up.

Say WHAT?!?

2007-03-06T07:37:00.000-07:00

So, Arnie of the handyman fame came over yesterday to finally fix the hole in my bathroom ceiling. He couldn't do it last week because it needed to dry out in there. That's a mental image I don't want to dwell on.

However, I did find out some fun facts about Handyman Arnie.

He wears red underwear. Not accidentally-put-a-new-red-tshirt-in-with-the-whites kinda pink panties, but really, really red.
His bald head is really shiny. I think he might wax and/or polish it.
He's not much of a talker, so I can watch movies while he's there and he doesn't care. Thank God. I'm not the hostess with the mostest, so this is a relief.

He has to COME BACK TO MY HOUSE in two days to finish the job. So I have to give up yet another afternoon to sit around waiting for the handyman. I don't have much of a social life, but I do like to be flexible in where I can spend my time.

Dammit.

I'm not bitter. Nope, nuh-uh, not at all.

The Novelty Girls

2007-03-05T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging over at The Novelty Girls today.

I also did a quiz post over the Mad Madam M's blog.

And tell me this one doesn't make you shiver in horror:

Sunday Funnies

2007-03-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

Yeeeeah. I've mentioned that I'm half-British, right? So not surprised by this. I'm betting I can guess what my southern belle friend Loribelle Hunt would get on this one.

Your Slanguage Profile

British Slang: 75%

Canadian Slang: 75%

Prison Slang: 75%

Aussie Slang: 50%

Victorian Slang: 50%

Southern Slang: 25%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

Revenant comes out today!

2007-03-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

My first dark paranormal book releases today from Cobblestone Press. Check it out!

Rue Daniels' ability to talk to ghosts--revenants--has gotten her thrown into a mental institution. It has also made her a target for recruitment. Both the CIA Revenant Division and their enemies want her on their side. John Weston is a revenant, and the CIA's top agent. He's been sent to protect her, train her...and use her. Love was a distraction they couldn't afford.

Buy it here!

In other news: find out why the Mad Madam M and I are best friends.

Late Update

2007-03-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

So...the disaster?

I came home to find I had water back. Woot!

I also came back to find a BIG, MONDO HUGE hole in my bathroom ceiling where they cut through to fix the leaking pipe from my upstairs neighbor's bathroom.

Had to call the handyman to book an appointment for today. Guess the handyman's name? He has the most handyman-ish name EVER.

Arnie.

Dude, I'm gonna laugh until I cry if he has scary plumber-butt flashing from the awe-inspiring weight of his handymanly tool belt.

Disaster Management 101

2007-02-28T18:16:00.000-07:00

So, last night my pipes broke in my apartment. Water was running down both sides of the wall that connect my bathroom and kitchen.

Steps in Crystal's Disaster Management Plan:

Call the landlord and report the problem. Am put on hold.
Speak to upstairs neighbor and see if her pipes were leaking. Answer: no.
Am asked if I mind a plumber entering my house in the morning while I am not there. Answer: sure, but stay away from my porn collection.
Am informed that the water to the entire building must be shut off until a plumber can be called in the morning, and I must walk around the building and alert neighbors to the impending shut down.
Take a quick hose down shower and brush teeth, fill a water bottle so I can brush my teeth in the morning and thus not offend the delicate sensibilities of the students I have to teach.
Knock on every door in the building wearing fire engine red flannel pajamas with Dalmations and fire hydrants on them (they were a gift and they're cute, dammit!)
Piss all over everyone's evening at 11PM.
Mild hysteria and panic ensues among the neighbors as they rush to fill water jugs and hose themselves down in Army style showers.
Am directed by landlord on how to find the main shut off valve and am told it is obvious. Response: not true, and you still can't touch my porn collection. Must test multiple valves before I find the right one.
Forget I promised neighbors 30 minutes of water before shut off.
Shut off water.
Neighbors come screeching half-dressed and sopping wet out of apartments thinking the pipes have burst.
Inform neighbors this was a test, and only a test, and they should go back to rationing water.
Crawl into bed with visions of flooding and insurance claims dancing in my head.

Overall rating of Crystal's disaster management skills: C-

In good news, I got the cover for my historical romance called A Lesson in Pleasure. He's pretty, no? Half-nekked man is niiiiice.

Pimpalicious Fun!

2007-02-27T05:01:00.000-07:00

Hey all!

My girl Eden Bradley has a new book out from Phaze. This is her first BDSM e-book, but she's going to be putting out her first BDSM novel from Bantm later this year. Get a taste of her naughty side a little early. Check it out!

BREAKING SKYE, Eden Bradley's newest e-book is available now from the Phaze Fetish line!

Skye Ballard has always wanted to experience her fantasies of sexual submission. She craves to be commanded, taken over. She is convinced that all it will take to purge this yearning from her system is one night. Skye searches out the perfect Dominant for the job-it must be a man who is powerful, attractive, and naturally dominant. But when she meets Adam Dunne, she finds a man beyond her wildest dreams.

Adam convinces her one night will not be enough for what he sees as a process, rather than a single experience. Skye soon discovers that being with him only makes her crave more. And while he begins with the idea of training her to be the perfect submissive—for someone else—soon all he can think of is making her his, making her yield. All he can think of is breaking Skye—and keeping her for himself.

Buy this book now at www.Phaze.com
Direct link:
http://www.king-cart.com/Phaze/product=Breaking+Skye+by+Eden+Bradley

The Novelty Girls Day

2007-02-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

I'm over at The Novelty Girls today.

Go check it out, I'm talking about how I got browbeaten into watching the Oscars. Ugh!

Sunday Funnies

2007-02-25T06:35:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this quiz and I couldn't help myself. I had to take it. I mean, I write erotic romance, right? I should be super-freaky in the upstairs region.

I wonder if it tops out at NC-17 or if there's a XXX rating? I'm thinking I busted this quiz wide open with my filthy mind.

Cool.

Your Mind is NC-17 Rated

You're mind is so filthy... you should should be washing every part of you out with soap.
If your thoughts can go dirty, they do. Almost everything is NC-17 to you!

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

Fried Day

2007-02-23T02:58:00.000-07:00

I may have mentioned this before, but I forget, so you get to hear about it again. Lucky you, right?

Anyway.

I'm going to be part of a series that spans all the rose lines at The Wild Rose Press. I write for the naughty Scarlet Rose line. The series is based around a brooch that passes from hand to hand throughout the time periods and genres in the rose lines. I'm planning on doing a sequel to All She Wants For Christmas called A Love Like Yours.

The series itself is called The Legacy of the Celtic Brooch. There's a blog for us, too.

The first book in the series has some info up and mine will eventually go up, too. A Love Like Yours won't be out until fall, but the series kicks off soon.

The Celtic Brooch Series

Hump Day Hotties Extravaganza!

2007-02-22T00:22:00.000-07:00

Some of you might be wondering why there was no Hump Day Hotties on Wednesday. Here's why: today is the end of The OC, a show the Mad Madam M and I watch religiously, much to the chagrin of all who know and love us.

Now, M refers to all characters interchangably between their real names and their character names. I think relaity has warped for her a bit and it's all one in the same now. Anyway, to avoid confusion, here's a run down of the cast with real AND character names (the dude characters anyway).

Peter Gallagher played Sandy Cohen
Adam Brody played Seth Cohen
Ben McKenzie played Ryan Atwood
Chris Carmack played Luke Ward

Mad Madam M: Welcome to the O.C. indeed. I'm telling you, if I ever came across a hitchhiker that looked like that, I might have to change my policy about stopping. I mean we have all seen Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. There is a "hitcher's code" you know!

Crystal: Or what about The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? There are exceptions to the hitcher hiker rule. And really, if something that cute wanted to jump me, I might be willing to lie down and take it like a girl.

Mad Madam M: Nothing like a black and white photo to make a sexy boy even hotter. I don't know what is better... his piercing look that makes me think that he has eyes for no one but me or the awesome gentle-tossled-hair/stubble /tight-black-t-shirt combo. Thank goodness I don't have to decide!

Crystal: I love that his macho-I-slept-with-your-mom character ended up with a gay dad. Priceless!

Mad Madam M: Sure the hair screams "I'm a soap star" but to be quite honest I spend most of my time staring at the naked abs. I mean really...naked abs ON DISPLAY!!

Crystal: All I can say is Thank God I have really good glasses and can enjoy this view. Being blind would be really inconvenient here.

Mad Madam M: Sure he has an interesting facial attribute that has lead to the nickname "Crazy Eyebrow Man", but he wears those eyebrows proudly and you have to give hims some credit for that. Besides it's Peter Gallagher people...Peter Gallagher!!

Crystal: I'd do him. And his crazy eye brows.

Mad Madam M: I know what your are thinking...how can he make this list when he was such a jerk in several 90's flicks? My only answer for you, he has also starred in several Broadway musicals including the revival of Guys & Dolls. I personally find that quite sexy!

Crystal: Oh my God. If you made me listen to that CD of Gays & Drag Queens ONE MORE TIME. *)*%&amp;%^#^T*&Y&()*)* So there!

Mad Madam M: Ah...aren't they a cute family? Clearly Ryan takes after Kirsten, but still...it could happen. Besides Ryan is smiling. I repeat...Ryan is smiling!! Check out a pic of the whole family.

Crystal: Clearly Ryan is the hotter of the twin boys here. Seth is the lovable genetic reject, like Danny DeVito in TWINS.

Mad Madam M: Sure Ryan has always been my favorite of the two (Crystal claimed Seth from the beginning), but this photo has to be the hottest pic I have ever seen. Cute boy holding videos IN A video store. I can't tell you how many of my fantasies start out this way...

Crystal: You know how some video stores just have the empty cases on the shelves and you have to take them to the counter where they stick the videos in so you don't steal them? He's hiding porn in those cases. It's all just a front. Which is why he MAY be the Danny Devito, but he's clearly the man for me.

Mad Madam M: From the backdrop, I would guess that he is in a prison cell of some sort. But hey...haven't we learned anything from Michael and Linc over on Prison Break. Prisons can be sexy too!

Crystal: Again, the man for me. Prison bitches and porn. Oh, yeeeeeeah. Cue bad '80s porno flick music *Bow chica bow bow*

Mad Madam M: I love this pic, although upon further study - 'cuz let's just say I have studied it well - I am a bit disconcerted by it's resemlance to a Buffy the Vampire Slayer poster I once owned. (Who am I kidding with the whole 'once owned' crap? It's somewhere in my storage unit at the moment!) Here's the original poster.

Crystal: He looks like he wants me to frisk him. *Bow chica bow bow*

Mad Madam M: As you may have already realized...I am a sucker for black and white photos. I especially adore the soulful look in this pic. I think he is staring into my soul...

Crystal: Nah. This is his gay shot. You can have this one, M. I prefer them on the straighter side of life. Unless he wants to go shopping with me. Then we can work this out.

Mad Madam M: Doesn't he just remind you of George Clooney is Ocean's 11? Doesn't he? Okay I guess that might just be me, but he does look good. The unbuttoned shirt...the stubble...the look that makes me want to confess to every naughty thought or fantasy I have ever had...

Crystal: Mmmmm. George Clooney. Ocean's 11. Sorry...what were we talking about?

Mad Madam M: The boy knows how to lean. And wear a tight Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirt. And model well-fitted jeans. And tossle his hair just so...
*Takes a moment to wipe the drool away from my chin*

Crystal: He kinda has the 1980s rocker look going here. It's hawt. He's yours, I understand, but he's still hot!

Mad Madam M: I admit this isn't the greatest pic, but Ben McKenzie is wet. And you can see his muscles. Did I mention he is wet? What more could a girl ask for? Except one night to use his body as a jungle gym? A weekend? An eternity? (I can't believe I just wrote that. Perhaps I need to spend some time at the Supernatural Obsessive Support Group Sanitarium to try get my mind off of Ben McKenzie and perhaps recover from my Jensen Ackles obsession at the same time!)

Crystal: Dude, don't lie. You totally threw that bucket of water on him. I saw you.

Mad Madam M: There is a distressingly large amount of images featuring Ben standing around. Sometimes things just work out wonderful for everyone involved...especially the viewer!

Crystal: Well, it's awesome when you can make money just standing around. I'd do it if I could. Totally.

Mad Madam M: So I admit the jacket is a bit camp, but once again we get Ben leaning...and with good hair! For those of us who have endured 4 years of Ryan's follicle ups-and-downs (far more downs than ups) that is a wonderful sight!!

Crystal: Nope. I'm not digging on the hair. It's a bit too feathered Farrah Faucet for me. And the jacket? Dude, he and Seth are in a gay love square, aren't they?

Mad Madam M: While this might not be the "hottest" of images, there is something sexy about the two foster brothers together that makes me happy inside. What I am going to do with their poolhouse conversations? Or the ever-patient look on Ryan's face while Seth dithers on about some inconsequential matter? What am I going to do? Please tell me. TELL ME!!!! The Winchester brothers better not leave me this year as well. I'm not sure what I will do!!

Crystal: Calm down before I throw a bucket of water on YOU. Sheesh. There's always the DVDs. And I do like this pic, it's funny looking. And I like funny looking shit.

Mad Madam M: This almost makes me want to live in Southern California and deal with all the pretty people on the beach. Well almost...

Crystal: No. Because I am not one of the pretty people. The pretty people would point and laugh at me. And that would be bad.

Mad Madam M: Again this might not be the prettiest pic, but it has charm and charisma! Seth sporting a strung out look with funky hair and Ryan with a crazy look in his eyes. (Not that crazy eye Ryan isn't sexy...) Take a good look (as if you need an excuse!) it looks like at any moment he is going to go crazy on someone and throw a punch!

Crystal: They look stoned. Seriously stoned. I like it. Bad, bad, bad, bad boys...you make me feel so gooooooood!

Mad Madam M: Two hot boys in a pool. Do I really need to add anything more? I mean, I can stare all day at Ryan's abs...can't you?

Crystal: I have no words. Except...take off the swim trunks and go naked. Yeah!

Mad Madam M: I would really like to know what the photographer said to achieve those looks. Ben looks confused while Adam seems to know a secret, a really good one, that he is just dying to share. Or maybe he is just grabbing Ryan's butt. I mean we see the arm, but the hand disappears somewhere behind Ben...

Crystal: Seth farted. Ryan is trying to escape the smell and still look pretty. Oh, the ANGST of Hollywood.

Mad Madam M: Can you ever get enough of these two? I know I can't, even if Ryan is suffering from some blood loss and looks like he could faint at any moment. Seth couldn't leave him behind...I mean, what about the zombies?

Crystal: I love that the one I liked is afraid of zombies. I guess this is The OC edition of Shaun of the Dead. Or something.

Welcome to The OC, bitches!

Never go shopping on laundry day

2007-02-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

So, this post is mostly for Mad Madam M's benefit because I forgot to tell her the rest of this story last night when we were on the phone discussing the upcoming Hump Day Hotties Extravaganza. But you'll have to wait for tomorrow on that one.

Reasons to never go shopping on laundry day:

You will inevitably be wearing dirty jeans, crappy sneakers, and an old, stretched out, fugly college t-shirt.
You will have just gotten out of the shower and your hair will be both flat and sopping wet. You will not care because you figure you won't be running into anyone except soccer moms and they could give a flying rat's ass what you look like.
You will have had a major, mondo breakout that makes you look like a crackwhore on pepperoni. And you will be wearing no make up because of the previous soccer mom statement.
You will embarrass the crap out of yourself by dancing alone in the bread aisle to Kenny Chesney elevator music when THE ENTIRE HOT FIRE DEPARTMENT shows up to get groceries, too.
You will magically be unable to evade the fire department and the previously stated hot firemen through your entire shopping trip and will, in fact, nearly booty bump the only chick fireman (woman? person?) into the cans of tuna as you bend to get a can of soup that's on sale.
You will somehow become trapped BETWEEN two hot firemen while trying to check out and they will involve you in a weird religious movie discussion and then segue into horror films (which you don't watch because you're a chicken).
ESCAPE. You will be outside the store, already talking to someone on the phone (loudly) about hot firemen and Kenny Chesney when the super-majorly-most-beeootiful of the firemen (aka the one standing behind you in line) will gallop up with something the checker forgot to put in your bags. And it will be your box of tampons.
You will die of humiliation because now you have a handful of tampon and the firemen just heard you commenting on his ass and how you danced in the grocery store aisle.

The Novelty Girls Day!

2007-02-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

Over at The Novelty Girls today. Go check it out!

And here's a promotional video for the In The Runes series I'm part of with Cobblestone Press. Cool, huh? I'm in a movie! Kinda.

Sunday Funnies

2007-02-18T10:13:00.000-07:00

So, I'm half British. I'm also just about every other western European country you can think of. And then I'm Native American. Three different tribes. Yeah, the pasty whiteness doesn't make me look it, but it's there. I swear.

I took a quiz today about which of those bagillion little Euro countries might be the dominant one. The Brit in me is appalled. And my father might disown me. C'est la vie, no?

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated.
You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

Reviews and Interviews

2007-02-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

Hey all! I just finished a hellacious week of teaching librarianista stuff to poor defenseless college students and I'm bushwacked (yes, I know that's not the correct use of the word, so pfffft).

However, I got some awesome news in the last few hours. I got my first authorly interview at Romance Junkies today. If you check it out, you can see what my reader pet peeves are and the titles I picked for the movie of my life.

Go read my Romance Junkies Interview.

If that wasn't rockin' enough, I got my first reviews of WEREPLANETS: IN HEAT and TWICE IN A BLUE MOON.

Ecataromance Sensual Reviews had this to say about In Heat:

Wereplanet: In Heat is an erotic tale of heartbreak and grief. Varad and Mahlia are two people coping with the loss of their child, while also dealing with the mating ritual that Mahlia is going through. This story was so heartrending that I couldn't help but immerse myself in the book. It dealt with the struggle that these two felt and also made them both face the tragedy that occurred. Love is about sharing your grief with your mate and Crystal Jordan has written this tender story with exactly that. This story is a quick read but it will leave its' impact on the reader long after the story is finished.

Here's what I got for Twice in a Blue Moon from Two Lips Reviews:

Twice In A Blue Moon is a beyond-steaming short tale that will curl the reader's hair and turn up toes! Jerrod, Rachel, and Lena leap off the pages, or should I say, sizzle off the pages of this story, and their intimate encounters are to-die-for sexy. Run, do not walk, to your nearest PC, and download Crystal Jordan's newest immediately!

You can totally use a Mac, too. Not just a PC.

How sweet are these? I'm so stoked. Yay! Happy Saturday, y'all!

Madcap Recap

2007-02-15T07:54:00.000-07:00

The Anti-Valentine's Day shindig was quite fun, and as always with my adventures, I bring back lessons learned.

Crops are fun to play with, even when you're shopping in a naughty store with other chicks. Don't ask, don't tell.
Naughty stores actually carry plus sized shit. And I tried some of it on. Again, don't ask because I ain't telling.
Other chicks will encourage you to by things you shouldn't, even when you know you won't. It's the chicks-in-a-pack shopping thing. Genetically encoded or something. I bet even cavechicks had this problem when picking out clubs for their men.
There are sex toys that include my name in the label. That's some hard to resist shopping items right there. I mean, it's literally calling my name! Everyone needs a souvenir, right? Right? Yeah, but I walked out empty handed. I'm a good little girl. Dammit.
There are like a million cheeses that taste good with crackers. And if you're interested in an edible orgasm, try the Key Lime Cake. Oooooooooh, baby! Yes. Yes! YES!
I found a wine I like! Major break through here. I forget what it's called, but it's a sparkling white wine. I think. Probably, it's just that I like anything that's sparkly.
And finally, an announcement: I just found out yesterday that I'm having a nephew in June.

Valentine's Day Book!

2007-02-14T05:48:00.000-07:00

I release my Valentine's Day book from Cobblestone Press today! I'm so excited about this. This is my first romantic comedy, but still manages to have all my usual angst and tortured characters. Lots of fun!

Big Girls Don't Die

Six months ago, Andre St. James turned Cynthiana's life upside down by turning her into a vampire. He insists they're meant to be together forever--literally--but Cyn has her doubts.

His take-no-prisoners approach to life isn't what she calls a great foundation for a healthy relationship. When she ends up stranded on the side of the road on her way to Las Vegas for Valentine's Day, will Andre be able to come to the rescue--and convince her they can live happily forever and ever and ever after?

Read an excerpt and buy it here!

Come chat with me at 7PM Central time in the Cobblestone Press Chatroom! I hope to see you all there!

Trolley Square

2007-02-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

Normally, I wouldn't mention something like this on my blog, but since it happened a few blocks from my house and everyone at work is a bit shaken up by it, especially my students, I thought I'd say something. I got several emails and messages and yes, I'm okay and no, I don't know anyone who was hurt or killed in the Trolley Square Mall shooting yesterday.

Here's a CNN article about what went down: Article.

So take a moment of silence for the friends, family, and loved ones of those who were killed.

Thanks.

Novelty Girls Day

2007-02-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging about being a romance writer and how much Valentine's Day sucks for single chicks over at The Novelty Girls today. Check it out. It ain't all fuzzy puppies and roses, people.

Sunday Funnies

2007-02-10T21:54:00.001-07:00

This quiz is creepily representative of the music I listened to in 1996. Weird.

Your 1996 Theme Song Is: Ironic by Alanis Morisette

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures

What's Your 1996 Theme Song?

Sold my first historical romance!

2007-02-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! I sold my first historical romance to The Wild Rose Press today. It's a Crusades story (because I'm not a Regency girl, you know?)

It's called A LESSON IN PASSION.

Here's what it's about:

Lady Eleanor has waited three years to see her husband. When their king called him away to the Crusades she'd prayed it wasn't the last time she'd see her love again. Sir Gavin sent home riches from the Holy Lands: tapestries, spices, oils. But tucked between the lush fabrics is a wicked book that depicts lovers entwined. Exotic ecstacies a lady could never even imagine, but Eleanor spends her lonely nights dreaming of Gavin pleasuring her in such ways. When Gavin returns he seems cold, distant, and Eleanor fears she's lost the only man she's ever loved. Using the book as her guide, can she teach her lord a lesson in passion?

ALSO:

The Very Merry Un-Valentine's Day Contest is ending! Enter while you still can!

Pictured below is the necklace I'm giving away. To win, sign up for my Yahoo Group. (The bonus to this is I give away free books every month to members of my group, so sign up and keep on winning.)

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/crystal-jordan/

Here's the prize! I'll draw a winner at random from my Yahoo Group on Valentine's Day:

If you're already a member of my Yahoo Group, you're automatically entered to win!

Linny and Suz

2007-02-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd stop from my usual ramble (or maybe just ramble in a slightly different direction) and talk about what I'm reading now.

For whatever reason, I'm on a suspense kick with the reading. And these babies have
been in my To Be Read pile for, like, ever.

Linda Howard's Drop Dead Gorgeous

This is the sequel to To Die For, which is Linda's first attempt at chick-litty romantic suspense. One of my fellow librarians suggested this one, so I'm off to read it this weekend.

Meanwhile, I'm half-way through this romantic suspense by Suzanne Brockmann. It book one million in her Navy SEALs Troubleshooters series. I freaking love these books. And Loribelle Hunt will kill me when she reads this and sees that i haven't finished it yet when it came out in, like, August. I'm so gonna get a call off of this. It's on the what I'm reading now list though, so without further ado...

Suzanne Brockmann's Into the Storm

Healthy Choices

2007-02-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

Today you'll get a very short post. Sorry about that. I'm not feeling well today. I had a nasty run in with ORGANIC chocolate and my body plainly said "No, bitch. Bad!"

I guess I'm not supposed to take the healthier option when it comes to my candy. My body only likes the reeeeeally bad for me junk.

Go figure.

Anyway, enough about me. Happy Thursday!

Hump Day Hotties and Shadows

2007-02-07T08:39:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging later today over at Shadows of Passion. Check it!

Hump Day Hotties is a Superman Extravaganza! We have Clark and Superman shots for all the hotties who have ever played Superman (as far a I could find. Mad Madam M could correct me on this one.)

The original, George Reeves. They're making a movie about him called Hollywoodland. Apparently truth is stranger than fiction.

I'm not saying anything. Just gonna sit here and drool. Tom Welling is my favorite Superman.

The newbie, Brandon Routh. Haven't brought myself to watch the movie yet.

The most famous Superman of all time, Christopher Reeve.

The television spinoff, Lois and Clark.

I ripped Shelli off..

2007-02-05T13:11:00.001-07:00

Because I have absolutely nothing better to say today, I ripped off one of these annoying questionnaire thingys from Shelli Stevens blog and I'm gonna torture you with it today. Don't you feel special?

Here's a word association game. They gave me a word and I gave them the first word(s) that came to mind.

1. Cigarette: Older brother
2. Sex: Gimme gimme
3. Relationship: Dysfunctional
4. Ex: Stop CALLING me
5. Power: Grid
6. Create: Creativity
7. Job: Fulfilling
8. Food: Yummy
9. Type: Emails
10. Home: California
11. Care: Bears
12. Value: Honesty
13. Eve: Night
14. Jest: Fool
15. Religion: Spirituality
16. Thunder: Rolls
17. Fear: Face them
18. Marriage: Divorce
19. Back: Ghetto Booty
20. Spark: Inspiration
21. Tear: Rip
22: Trust: Costs a lot
23: Boredom: Professional reading
24. Inside: Warm
25: Fire: Warmer
26. Game: Play hard
27: Soft: Did you just call me fat?
28: Ice: On the roads
29: Hard: Oh, yeeeeeeah
30: Because: I can
31. Community: Writers
32. Wood: Erection
33. Theme: Wedding
34. Love: Fuzzy puppies
35. Hate: People who talk with their mouth full
36. Friendship: Mad Madam M
37. Money: Gimme gimme
38. Heartache: It happens
39. Lust: Yeah, baby!
40. Time: After Time
41. Divorce: Family

Novelty Girls Day

2007-02-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

I'm over at The Novelty Girls today posting about what happens when your real life self collides with your online/authorly/pen name self and you find out people you really know are really reading your blog. Eeek.

And here's some pictorial fun..called snackanimals.

Sunday Funnies

2007-02-04T00:22:00.000-07:00

Dixie Chick send me this spectacular quiz for today.

This is my peculiar aristocratic title. Notice the Extemporaneous in my title. It totally just said I have a big mouth. I'm not sure if that's freaky-accurate or just insulting.

What'd you get?

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Her Most Serene Highness Lady Crystal the Extemporaneous of Chalmondley Chumleyton
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Stroke of Midnight looking for entries!

2007-02-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

Passionate Ink’s 2006 Stroke of Midnight Contest

Make the first 35 pages of your novel so compelling that an editor has to have more!

Five Sizzling Finalists in Four Categories:

Contemporary - novels with erotic elements that focus on the developing romantic relationship in a contemporary setting. Includes series and single-title length romances. Can also include elements of romantic suspense/intrigue.

Historical- novels with erotic elements that focus on the developing
romantic relationship in a historical setting.

Futuristic/Fantasy/Sci-fi - novels with erotic elements that focus on the developing romantic relationship in any setting in the future, an alternate world/reality, or another planet. Includes elements such as elves/faerie, sword and sorcery, aliens, etc.

Paranormal/Time Travel - novels with erotic elements that focus on the developing romantic relationship in any setting that includes elements of time travel, angels, vampires, werewolves or other paranormal themes.

All entries must be at least 25,000 words in their completed form. No novellas accepted.

Judging and Prizes:

Preliminary-round judging will be completed by three qualified judges - Passionate Ink and other RWA members experienced in critiquing and/or published authors familiar with our genre. All scores will be added and averaged to determine the entrant’s ranking. Every attempt will be made to provide entrants with detailed score sheets and judges’ comments from this preliminary round. Top five entries in each category will move to final round.

The top five finalists in each category will be ranked by the following industry professionals:

Contemporary: To Be Determined

Historical: Allison Brandau, Berkley

Futuristic/Fantasy/Sci-fi: Raelene Gorlinsky, Ellora’s Cave

Paranormal/Time Travel: Rose Hilliard, St. Martin’s Press

First place winners in each category will receive a free one year membership in Passionate Ink ($25 value), a certificate, and an award graphic for their website. (Writing teams will split the membership.) All other finalists will receive certificates and and a finalist graphic for their website. All entries will be returned after finalists are determined and statistical information is complete. Winners will be announced at the Passionate Ink gathering at the Romance Writers’ of America National Conference in Dallas. Results will be listed on the Passionate Ink website and in the chapter’s newsletter.

The decisions of judges are final.

Rules for Entry
Eligibility:

Contest is open to all authors with unpublished, uncontracted full-length erotic romance manuscripts (at least 25,000 words) in the category they wish to enter.

Entry Deadline and Mailing:

Entry form and payment must be sent to the Contest Coordinator by February 19, 2007. Any entries received without corresponding entry form and fee by the deadline will be disqualified.
Submit entries (or questions) via email to Strokeofmidnight @ passionateink.org. (without spaces)

It is the author’s responsibility to enter the manuscript in the correct category. All clarifications as to category should be made prior to submission.

Entrants may enter as many categories as they wish with DIFFERENT submissions, but cannot enter the same manuscript in two categories. Each entry must be accompanied by the appropriate entry fee and a separate signed Contestant’s Agreement and Entry form.

There is a minimum requirement of 10 entries per category. If a category does not receive a sufficient number of submissions to make the category viable, the category will be canceled. The entrant will be asked to provide a second choice of categories. If the entrant does not wish to place the entry in another category, the entry and associated fees will be returned.

Finalists will be asked to mail one (1) hard copy of their entry within 7 days of notification for the final round judge. Failure to do so will result in disqualification from the final round and your entry will not be judged.

Entry Fees:
Passionate Ink members: $15
Others: $25

Email payments via PayPal to: Treasurer @ passionateink.org (without spaces)

or mail payments to:

Stroke of Midnight Contest
c/o Marie Roy
RD2 Box 351
Terryville, CT 06786

Make checks payable to: Passionate Ink

Entry fees must be received prior to the entry deadline.
Include your name in the subject line and the titles of your entry(ies) in the comments box.
Entry Format:

All entries must be electronic in PDF or a Word 2003 compatible format.

Send a maximum of the first 35 pages of your manuscript.

Entries must be in proper manuscript format: One sided, double-spaced with one inch margins all around, size 12 font (like Times New
Roman or Courier) is recommended.

On the first page only, title and category on top left; page number on top right. Subsequent pages should include only title and page number.
Name of author should not appear anywhere on manuscript; the entry will be disqualified if name is on submission.

A synopsis of up to 5 single-spaced pages (which will not be judged) must also be included. No cover page is necessary.

Email questions to Marie at strokeofmidnight @ passionateink.org. (without spaces)
Enter online via the Online Stroke of Midnight Entry Form.

Drawing Parallels

2007-02-02T07:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I parallel parked for the first time. Yes, I've had my license for about a decade now, but when I got it I didn't need to pass a test on parallel parking, which made my mom really bitter because SHE had to when she was sixteen. Whatever. That same year they changed the laws back so that you had to know how to parallel park. I've always been grateful to have dodged that bullet.

Why would I park this obscene way all of a sudden? Did I get hit on the head by a passing piano and develop a freak fetish for smushing my car between two others? No. I fell in the parking lot yesterday on a thin-but-deadly sheet of ice and my knee and ankle were killing me. I was not, repeat NOT, walking any further than necessary. It wasn't a micro-millimeters to spare type park job, but I have to say I got in there all straight and perfect. I'm freaking amazed at myself. Usually I don't care if there's a mile between cars, I will drive down the block to somewhere I don't have parallel park.

And, no. I don't intend to make this a habit. Desperate (ouchie) times called for desperate measures.

Parallel parking made me think about Deidre Knight's books in the Parallel Series, which made me think of Gena Showalter (The Knight Agency represents her) and the fact that Gena had a book officially release yesterday.

Here's the prettiness:

Do you see how the water ripples away our view of certain...parts? TEASE!

Here's what it's about:

Females young and old, beautiful and plain crave Valerian's touch. None can resist his blatant sensuality and potent allure...until he steals Shaye Holling from a Florida beach and holds her prisoner in his underwater kingdom.

The cynical Shaye wants nothing to do with the mighty warlord, but she's inexplicably drawn to him. For underneath the warrior's arrogant beauty lies a complex and powerful man. A man whose caress is like fire...

Now Valerian must fight for the privilege of claiming her as his own. Because there's one thing Shaye doesn't know...

That when a nymph discovers his true mate, she's his for life.

Go buy it here!

And THEN remembering that Gena released a book made me draw a parallel to my girl, Loribelle Hunt, releasing the fourth book in her Lunar Mates series. I know people have been bugging her for this one, so GO LORI!

Blurbage:

Billy knows all about Chloe’s tragic--and wrong--first mating. With only two short days to convince her they belong together, or risk her running again, what lengths will he go to? Chloe can't deny the attraction between them, or that she has always wanted Billy. But does she dare risk her battered heart and trust again?

Break you off a piece of that...buy here!

So maybe that wasn't drawing parallels, maybe it was just be rambling. Or mmaybe there's a nicer way to put it. Maybe this is more of a stream on consciousness thing? I don't know. Whatever.

Have a great weekend everyone! And read dirty books!

Throw me a bone

2007-02-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

So eeeevil blogger was down this morning when I tried to post, so I've run out of time and inspiration here.

I decided a test of the emergency smart person system was important. Since, I have a BA in history, I would have been upset if I'd flunked this one, you know?

Enjoy!

You Passed 8th Grade US History

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade History?

Hump Day Hotties and Shadows

2007-01-31T07:51:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging today over at Shadows of Passion. Check it out!

Today's Hump Day Hotties is the special Prison Break edition of Wentworth Miller, brought to you by Mad Madam M.

Title: I'm stuck in Folsom Prison and the time keeps draggin' on.

Mad Madam M: Well actually Fox River, but you get the idea. As you may have guessed, here are the Prison Break pics! Oh, how I love the pretties on this show!

Mad Madam M: Two hot boys in a roomy cage...what girl could ask for anything more?

Crystal: Um...to be locked IN the cage with the two hot boys? And for someone to lose the key to said cage.

Mad Madam M: They're bringing sexy back...

Crystal: And sexy looks aaaaaaangry. They had a horrible, awful, no-good, very bad day.

Mad Madam M: Normally I don't go for tattoos, but there is something about this boy's tattoo. It's a work of art that should be admired...as close as humanly possible!

Crystal: Yes. I can't say more because I might drool on my keyboard. Yeesssss.

Mad Madam M: As if the cage wasn't good enough, now we have them in chains with Wentworth giving a hot "bring it on" look!

Crystal: I am bad. Hear me purr.

Mad Madam M: Okay, maybe this image didn't come from Prison Break , but the boy is posing for a mug shot. How was I supposed to resist?

Crystal: Look! I didn't even have to ask for his digits! He just carries them around and flashes them at chicks. Sweet!

Mad Madam M: A boy with guns in front of sunset! Oh, such a romantic scene! I could tear up at any moment from the beauty of it!

Crystal: He has guns. I may have mentioned about the relationship between a boy and his equipment. And Wenny has two. I'm not sure how that applies to the equipment rule, but it's kinda hot anyway.

Mad Madam M: See, I was just telling you...they are bringing sexy back!

Crystal: And it better not ever leave again.

Mad Madam M: So maybe suits don't normally belong in prisons, but I think we can make an exception. I mean, if Bond can recover from his heart stopping in 30 minutes, why can't prisoners wear evening jackets and slacks!

Crystal: Obviously, this is Family Day at the local maximum security prison. You know, where they spiff everything up and all...

Mad Madam M: Who knew prison uniforms could promise so much pretty?!?!?!

Crystal: Again. Me. Two boys. Locked cage. No key. Yum.

Public Service Announcement

2007-01-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

Hey all!

Today's the last day to nominate your favorite paranormal authors/ books for the PEARL Awards. You have to be a member of one of their groups to nominate and vote (Before Jan. 15th--so no rushing the ballot box).

Participating Groups:

ParaNormalRomance: paranormalromance@yahoogroups.com
PNRnews: pnrnews@yahoogroups.com
PROMOS: PNRattractions@yahoogroups.com
OFF TOPIC: PNRlite@yahoogroups.com
AUTHOR'S LIST: PNwriters@yahoogroups.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/pnrbooks

Check out the voting rules and procedures and past winners: http://www.paranormalromance.org/PNRpearl.htm

Good luck to all who are nominated, voting opens February 1! I MAY have nominated a ton of people this morning, but I'm not saying who.

Twice in a Blue Moon releases TODAY!

2007-01-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

Later today, Twice in Blue Moon, my Valentine's Day book from Forbidden Publications will release! Yeah baby! It's my first threesome book and takes place in the same world as Big Girls Don't Die (which comes on on Valentine's Day from Cobblestone Press). So buy 'em both, you know you really, really want to!

When Lena walks into the Blue Moon bar on Valentine's Day, she turns Rachel's world inside out. She's a werewolf who scents her mate, and nothing will stop her from claiming what's hers.

Rachel has always assumed that when she mated with Jerrod she'd never know another lover, despite her longing for both men and women. No werewolf would be unfaithful. Ever. She's terrified of how the man she loves will react when he finds out the instincts that drew her to him two years ago now pull her to another woman.

What's a werewolf to do when she finds her soulmate--twice in a blue moon?

Pimpage and Contest Reminder

2007-01-26T08:58:00.000-07:00

There are two people releasing over at Cobblestone Press today that I want to point out to you.

First up is from a sweetheart named Yolanda. (MY STEPMOM DID THIS COVER *squee*)

Faerie Dust by Yolanda Sfetsos

Shay Lee is a Fae-Hunter, hunting fellow Faeries amongst the humans.

Cases are always cut and dry, but now that she's hunting Glen Row, Shay starts to question her building emotions. Even though it's forbidden for Faeries to fall in love...

Go buy it!

Dark Knight by Jodie Becker

Knight is a dedicated Sergeant, but her world is shaken when on a recon mission her crew are slaughtered by aliens that merge into the night. The only person that can save them is an alien himself...or is he? A time when 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend'.

Buy it here!

REMINDER: THE VERY MERRY UN-VALENTINE'S DAY CONTEST ENDS FEBRUARY 14TH.

To celebrate my January and February releases, I'm having another contest! Pictured below is the necklace I'm giving away. To win, sign up for my Yahoo Group.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/crystal-jordan/

Here's the prize! I'll draw a winner at random from my Yahoo Group on Valentine's Day:

If you're already a member of my Yahoo Group, you're automatically entered to win!

Valentine's Day Collection--Jan. 29th!

2007-01-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

Hey all! Here's a fun little slide show thingy that Dayna Hart put together for those of us she nagged--uh, invited--to be in the Forbidden Publications Valentine's Day Collection.

My book is called Twice in a Blue Moon and is my first threesome story--with werewolves. Because if you're gonna have a threesome WHY NOT include werewolves?

Here's a list of those of us in the collection. Buy our books JANUARY 29th at Forbidden Publications.

Sela Carsen: The Virgin Courtesan (historical; sensual)

Stacy Dawn: Apple of His Eye (contemporary; mainstream)

Elisabeth Drake: Wasting the Dawn (dark paranormal; carnal)

CJ England: Angel Eyes and Demon Lies (paranormal; carnal)

Dayna Hart: Wings of Love (fantasy; mainstream)

Loribelle Hunt: Be Mine (contemporary; sensual)

Crystal Jordan: Twice in a Blue Moon (paranormal; carnal)

Jennifer Leeland: Naughty Notions (contemporary; carnal)

JT Schultz: Cupid's Target (paranormal; sensual)

Shelli Stevens: Cabin Fever (contemporary; carnal)

Hump Day Hotties and Shadows

2007-01-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging over at Shadows of Passion today. Woot! Go read!

Welcome to a special Wentworth Miller edition of Hump Day Hotties, brought to you by our sponsor Mad Madam M.

The title for this edition? Wenty and the Pretty.

Mad Madam M: Nobody puts Wenty in the corner...unless he wants to be. And then it is perfectly fine. Except I have no idea why he is holding sunglasses and why the top of his jean is undone. Wait his jeans are undone...never mind. Screw a reason! I don't need a reason!

Crystal: I don't know why he's staring so hard at that wall, except maybe if he's envisioning me between him and it. Yeah. That I can work with.

Mad Madam M: The boy needs to wear socks, but other than that, it is one beautiful photo!

Crystal: Yeah, because I was so looking at his lack of SOCKS. I was hoping for a lack of pants. Would have been a whole different photo shoot I think.

Mad Madam M: The hay kind of makes me uncomfortable and I do wonder how he has kept the sweater clean in the barn, but those are trifles next to the great prep-look. I have always been a sucker for the preppy look...

Crystal: I've never been one for barnyard luvin' but for him I'll make an exception.

Mad Madam M: So that has got to be one of the ugliest couches I have ever seen, but even saddled with that, his prettiness doesn't diminish! His hotness knows no bounds!

Crystal: Dude, I think I have that couch.

Mad Madam M: Not sure which side of the fence Wenty is on, but it really doesn't matter. Incarcerated or not, I will still love him. I mean, I have already watched him behind bars and seen him betray his best-friend, played by the hot, but not-so-bright Scott Speedman, in Underworld.

Crystal: Prison boys are hot right now. It's the in thing, don't you know?

Mad Madam M: He's staring again...he is always doing that gorgeous, fine-looking, brooding stare!

Crystal: That's his classic make love to the camera, baby look

Mad Madam M: If only that was the window into my heart...

Crystal: Oh, brother.

Mad Madam M: There he is, doing that amazingly hot brooding stare again. If only I knew what he was staring at!

Crystal: I think he farted. But, prettily!

Mad Madam M: Just because he's wearing a see-through sweater and is greased like a pig, doesn't make Wenty any less manly...ok maybe a little, but the masculinity of those jeans make up for it in every possible way!

Crystal: Guest starring on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, it the Fab Five plus One. He's hawt, he's sexy, he's greasy. And he likes that backdoor lovin'...OH YEAH, Wenty you can come on out of that closet now!

Mad Madam M: Never thought I would ever be jealous of grass...or that sod could ever be sexy, but I have been wrong before, and I really don't mind being wrong now!

Crystal: Yes. Grass is my friend. Every single person in Berkley thinks Wenty's their new poster boy.

Mad Madam M: The eyes...oh so pretty!I honestly don't know what more I can say on the subject. (Although I will try, I have no doubt!)

Crystal: I'm too sexy for my picture, too sexy for my picture, too sexy for my...well, yeah we get that he's sexy.

Mad Madam M: If only I had loosened that tie and unbuttoned that shirt...
(*stops to wipe the drool off the keyboard)

Crystal: Eww. She drooled on me! This one has the part-hotty, part washed up band geek thing going for it.

Mad Madam M: You see...he is pulling out the chair in anticipation of my coming out to the patio. And hey, it looks like the sun might be setting. I can picture it now...I'm not delusional...not at all!

Crystal: Um. I was thinking he looks like he's about to violate that chair. And I get front row seating. Sweet.

Mad Madam M: Not only does he a have a degree in English Literature from Princeton, but...

Crystal: Yeah, I was totally looking at his DEGREE. Uh huh. When you're that pretty it's almost criminal to be smart too. Ah, well. He is in jail now. All is right with the world.

Stroke Me, Baby!

2007-01-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

Here's an FYI for all you naughty writers out there. The Passionate Ink Chapter of the Romance Writers of America is having two fabulous contests. Stroke of Midnight is for unpublished work and Passionate Plume is for published work. Join and get you name and work in front of some prestigious judges and stuff! Good luck!

Here's the info:

The latest contests for aspiring and published romance writers. Have contest information that you'd like to post? Click here to register.

Stroke of Midnight
Sponsored by: Passionate Ink Chapter of RWA
Entry fee$15 PI members/$25 Non-PI members
Deadline: February 3rd, 2007
Description: Passionate Ink’s 2006 Stroke of Midnight Contest

Make the first 35 pages of your novel so compelling that an editor has to have more!

Five Sizzling Finalists in Four Categories: Contemporary - novels with erotic elements that focus on the developing romantic relationship in a contemporary setting. Includes series and single-title length romances. Can also include elements of romantic suspense/intrigue.

Historical- novels with erotic elements that focus on the developingromantic relationship in a historical setting.

Futuristic/Fantasy/Sci-fi - novels with erotic elements that focus on the developing romantic relationship in any setting in the future, an alternate world/reality, or another planet. Includes elements such as elves/faerie, sword and sorcery, aliens, etc.

Paranormal/Time Travel - novels with erotic elements that focus on the developing romantic relationship in any setting that includes elements of time travel, angels, vampires, werewolves or other paranormal themes.

All entries must be at least 25,000 words in their completed form. No novellas accepted.

Judging and Prizes:

The top five finalists in each category will be ranked by the following industry professionals:

Contemporary: Sulay Hernandez, Kensington Historical: Allison Brandau, Berkley Futuristic/Fantasy/Sci-fi: Raelene Gorlinsky, Ellora’s Cave Paranormal/Time Travel: Rose Hilliard, St. Martin’s Press

Rules for Entry Eligibility:

Contest is open to all authors with unpublished, uncontracted full-length erotic romance manuscripts (at least 25,000 words) in the category they wish to enter.

Entry Deadline and Mailing:

February 3, 2007.

Email questions to Marie at strokeofmidnight @ passionateink.org. (without spaces)Enter online via the Online Stroke of Midnight Entry Form.
For more information please visit the Passionate Ink Webiste.
Web site: http://www.passionateink.org

Passionate Plume
Sponsored by: Passionate Ink Chapter of RWA
Entry fee$15 PI members/$25 Non-PI members
Deadline: February 3rd, 2007
Description: Passionate Ink’s 2006 The Passionate Plume Contest for Published Authors

The only published, all erotic romance award in RWA!

Five Sizzling Finalists in Five Categories:: Contemporary - novels with erotic elements that focus on the developing romantic relationship in a contemporary setting. Includes series and single-title length romances. Can also include elements of romantic suspense/intrigue.

Historical- Historical - novels with erotic elements that focus on the developing romantic relationship in a historical setting.

Futuristic/Fantasy/Sci-fi - novels with erotic elements that focus on the developing romantic relationship in any setting in the future, an alternate world/reality, or another planet. Includes elements such as elves/faerie, sword and sorcery, aliens, etc.

Paranormal/Time Travel - novels with erotic elements that focus on the developing romantic relationship in any setting that includes elements of time travel, angels, vampires, werewolves or other paranormal themes.

Novellas - novellas of 25,000 words or less with erotic elements that focus on the developing romantic relationship in any setting. All novels entered must be at least 25,000 words in length. Novellas are considered 12,000 to 25,000 words. All entries must be at least 25,000 words in their completed form. No novellas accepted.

Judging and Prizes:

Five finalists will be judged by multi-published authors and reviewers. The decisions of judges are final.

Email questions to Karen at Passionateplume @ passionateink. org.(without spaces)

Entries must be received by February 3rd, 2007.

For more information please visit the Passionate Ink Website.
Web site: http://www.passionateink.org

The Novelty Girls Day.

2007-01-22T14:52:00.000-07:00

Blogging over at The Novelty Girls today. Go read.

I'm running late today so this is a drive-by posting. So sorry!

Here's a bunch of pics of things that will happen when hell freezes over. Assuming you believe in hell. Which is totally up to you.

Onward...when hell freezes over...

Sunday Funnies

2007-01-21T10:32:00.000-07:00

This week's quiz is how ladylike are you. Good luck and don't forget to stick your pinky finger up in the air.

This is probably the most accurate of these quizzes I've ever taken. And, in fact, I'm surprised I scored as high as I did. Good thing they didn't ask me if I ever belched on the phone or at the dinner table. I might have dropped into negative numbers.

You Are 40% Lady

You tend to make up your rules of etiquette, throwing all conventions aside.
And while you try to be a lady (sometimes), your behavior is often quite shocking.

Are You A Lady?

A Very Merry Un-Valentine's Day Contest

2007-01-20T05:59:00.000-07:00

To celebrate my January and February releases, I'm having another contest! Pictured below is the necklace I'm giving away. To win, sign up for my Yahoo Group. (The bonus to this is I give away free books every month to members of my group, so sign up and keep on winning.)

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/crystal-jordan/

Here's the prize! I'll draw a winner at random from my Yahoo Group on Valentine's Day:

If you're already a member of my Yahoo Group, you're automatically entered to win!

Wereplanets: In Heat releases TODAY!

2007-01-19T06:48:00.000-07:00

The second story in my Wereplanets series comes out TODAY from Cobblestone Press.

Here's the info:

Varad Mohan is the king of all weretigers, ruler of the planet Vesperi, but even kings have their share of tragedy. With the death of his infant son, his marriage with Mahlia seems to hang in the balance. When her mating heat makes it impossible to avoid confronting their cooling relations, they have to cope with the loss of their child, and turn to each other for the solace they've denied themselves. A king and queen can never show weakness, but can they learn to depend on each other?

Find out more here.

I'm so stoked about this book. It's my first series! Yay!

Come chat with me at 7PM Central time in the Cobblestone Press Chatroom! I hope to see you all there!

I wish I'd had that idea

2007-01-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

I don't say this phrase very often. Frankly, I have so many ideas of my own, I usually run shrieking at the mere thought of having more.

This is to give you the background of the situation.

I have to say that of all the books and series I've read (and there have been a ton of them. Really, I'm a read-a-holic) I have two ideas that I've run across where I said "MAN, I wish I'd had that idea."

The first is Robin D. Owens' HeartMate series. Love it. Loooooove it. Wish I'd thought of it first, but probably wouldn't have done as good a job with it.

The second is a new book that Shelli Stevens is writing. I'm getting teaser snippets right now, but I can honestly say this is an awesome idea and I really wish I'd have come up with it first. Can't wait to see what she does with it when she's done. And no, I'm not giving you any details because I'm a tease too. So there.

Onward!

I couldn't resist some revenge of the statues-come-to-life pics. I love this stuff!

Hump Day Hotties and Shadows

2007-01-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging over at Shadows of Passion today. Check it out!

And this week we're getting you over the hump Bond style. You can thank the Mad Madam M for today's prettiness. She watched Casino Royale and loved it, so when I came up with our theme for this week, she got volunteered to find me some good pictures.

Everyone give M a standing O.

I am Bond. James Bond. Look at the size of my gun.

Relaxing after a hard day of seducing Bond girls and lusting after Moneypenny. AND my car's faster than your car. It's so shiny.

Shaken, not stirred.

You only wish you were as pretty as me. Women want me. Men want to be me. And gay men want both.

You know what they say about the size of a man's gun. The bigger the gun...the bigger the bullet.

Thank you, Jesus.

I have a big gun of my own. Look at it. Stare. You know you want to.

A tender moment with my Bond girl before I ravish her in ways so filthy we already need a shower just thinking about it.

This is my O face. Guns, gambling, I-am-so-pretty. What more would I ever need in life? Nothing.

Chat with me!

2007-01-16T08:34:00.000-07:00

I found this wicked little system called Meebo that will let you chat with me at any time.

It's going to be a permanent feature on my blog in the sidebar. Scroll down and you can see it. Feel free to say hi! Or at least help me test it today.

Go on, type something in the box. You know you want to! Introduce yourself! (Yeah, you. I really mean it. Really)

What to say?

2007-01-15T11:11:00.000-07:00

I posted today about my favorite Martin Luther King Jr. books, so go read here.

After my post yesterday, I'm at something of a loss as to what to say today. So, I'll give you some fan-made movie trailer spoofs.

The first one is Mary Poppins as a horror movie and the second makes The Shining a romantic comedy. These things are wicked well-done.

I'd like to take a moment

2007-01-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to have a Sunday Funnies column this week. Instead I need to take a moment to say farewell to a former student who became my friend at my university in Tennessee.

Jon passed away last week and he will be dearly missed by his friends and family.

How can I explain Jon to you? He had a dry wit, a booming laugh, great taste in wine, better taste in people. He was brilliant and loved to talk about my writing and his ideas about literature and romance in general. He also had fantastic taste in men and was adamant in his refusal to share any of the cute ones with me.

Farewell, my friend. Here's a toast for you.

I got you covered!

2007-01-13T02:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, I lied the other day when I said I wasn't going to pimp for votes on the Predators & Editors poll. It's open until the 14th, and I just found out that my stepmom (Leita Stevens aka Raven207b) has been nominated for the cover art she did on my Wereplanet:In Ice cover. Go vote for her! And yes, I was also nominated in the short romance story category for In Ice, but that's just flattering someone would think of me. GO VOTE FOR STEPMOM.

http://www.critters.org/predpoll/

See? Ain't it purty?

Next up are the covers for my Valentine's Day books. The first one is from Cobblestone Press called Big Girls Don't Die and it's a vampire comedy. Isn't my hero hawt? Yum.

Six months ago, Andre St. James turned Cynthiana's life upside down by turning her into a vampire. He insists they're meant to be together forever--literally--but Cyn has her doubts. When she's stranded on the side of the road for Valentine's Day, will Andre be able to come to the rescue--and convince her they can make an undead life together?

And my second Valentine's Day book from Forbidden Publications is Twice in Blue Moon. Yes, it's my first threesome book and takes place in the same world as Big Girls Don't Die. So buy 'em both, you know you want to!

When Lena walks into the Blue Moon bar on Valentine's Day, she turns Rachel's world inside out. She's a werewolf who scents her mate, and nothing will stop her from claiming what's hers.

Rachel has always assumed that when she mated with Jerrod she'd never know another lover, despite her longing for both men and women. No werewolf would be unfaithful. Ever. She's terrified of how the man she loves will react when he finds out the instincts that drew her to him two years ago now pull her to another woman.

What's a werewolf to do when she finds her soulmate--twice in a blue moon?

Bragging on others

2007-01-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

I have nothing really to say about myself today, so I thought I'd brag a bit on people I know and love.

First, my girl Jen McKenzie got a new cover for her upcoming Valentine's day release with Cobblestone Press. Isn't it pretty?

The main character in the book is based on her best friend and she's running a contest about it over at her blog. Check it out. You can win lots of free stuff.

Second, my friend Eden Bradley got a new two book deal from Bantam Books. Woohoo, I am so freaking stoked for her! And don't forget that her first single title releases in May (or is it June? I forget, but I'll keep you updated).

Last...Karen Erickson sold her story "A Midsummer Night's Steam" to Samhain Publishing. I love this lady's work. She rocks!

Congrats, ladies!

Drama

2007-01-11T07:47:00.001-07:00

So, last night I dealt with some family drama. I won't go into what because that's just not information I'd ever put on the web. But it was crappy and I was seriously stressed. Why am I even mentioning this? Because I figure everyone goes through some shit from time to time that effects their writing.

I made my wordcount yesterday...got everything done that I intended to get done, but I have no idea if it's complete crap and I'll have to go back and delete it. Which would really suck because I'm kind of on a really tight deadline.

How do other people handle the stress of real life when the shite hits the fan? I just don't know. I muscled through it last night and got my work done, but it was a crap night over all and I dragged my happy ass into work this morning () and got the "Oh, honey. Are you sick?" speech from like four people. Yeah. That made me feel better about my life choices.

And as an FYI: go vote at the Predators & Editors poll. It's open until the 14th, I believe. You can pick fave authors, artists, editors, forums *cough* Romance Divas *cough* And, no, this isn't a plea for a vote for myself. I haven't been nominated for anything. But good luck to everyone!

http://www.critters.org/predpoll/

Hump Day Hotties and Shadows

2007-01-10T10:25:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging about who I should submit my book to over at Shadows of Passion today. Go check it out!

On to the main event. Hump Day Hotties Las Vegas Edition!

Because Grace made a request last week, this one is dedicated to her. Josh Duhamel from Las Vegas.

My favorite Vegas show...CSI. Preeeeetty people. Who also play smart people. Now that's hot.

The original hunka hunka burnin' love Elvis Presley in Viva Las Vegas.

And we go a little darker to Nick Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.

Some Casino action.

Ocean's Eleven. Probably the movie where I find Brad Pitt the most attractive. And George. Yum. I think I'm drooling. I need to go watch that flick again. I so own it.

And more yum. I couldn't resist.

Stormin' Norman

2007-01-09T14:43:00.000-07:00

So, I'm prepping my first manuscript for submission to New York.

Holy. Freaking. Jesus.

Someone hand me a shot glass full of something that burns on the way down. One thing I don't get about New York publishing...the synopsis. Does it really tell them anything useful about the book? Wouldn't a blurb do just as well? And you can write a superb book, but a 5 page synopsis is what keeps you from getting published?

That's...horrifying.

Now I have to figure out how to write a kick-ass synopsis. All this effort goes into improving your writing ability, but the synopsis is a whole different kettle of fish on writing style. Argh!

I'm panicking a bit. This is not the story I imagined sending to New York, but I do love it. I always pictured Every Witch Way as my ticket to New York, but it's stalled (yet again) and this story is there and ready to go out. How insane is that?

*breathing into paper bag*

Blogger Bashing

2007-01-08T08:28:00.000-07:00

I'm blogging later today about conferences over at The Novelty Girls. Go check it out!

So, today I want to talk about why I hate Blogger.

I have multiple group blogs (in case you hadn't noticed) and I can't blog on them right now because Blogger has switched over to its new version and I'm not allowed to join the club because apparently my personal blog is too fat. Talk about sizest behavior. Jerk-heads!

For the most part, I wouldn't care, but the group blog thing is where I hit my snag. I can't post on the group blogs because they've all moved over to new Blogger. And new Blogger can blog on old Blogger but not vice versa. And I'm stuck in old Blogger. See the issue? Yeah, it sucks stagnant pond water.

I am not a happy camper today. And, as is typical with me, I'm not afraid to whine about it in public.

So, here's me...pissy because it's been almost a month and I still can't switch. Feeling fat and unwanted because I can't join the club of new Bloggerdom.

Happy Freaking Monday.

Sunday Funnies

2007-01-07T10:20:00.000-07:00

What do people envy about you? Find out here! And am I really that compassionate? I'd like to think so, but in real life...probably not.

Ah, well. The accuracy of these quizzes constantly blows me away.

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain.
People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

What Do People Envy About You?